Maybe it is because I am quitting my job and I wont have the security of knowing that I have a steady income.
For the first time in 9 years I may not have a job.
I say may not because I am still inquiring about some part time jobs.
Or maybe it is because I am moving on to a real university.
What if the work load is too much for me?
What if I give up again?
Because I have done that.
I was in the third term of my sophomore year of college back when I was still 20.
And then I dropped out.
Because I kept failing my classes and just wasn't motivated to finish.
Plus I got promoted at work and cared more about making money than I did about finishing school.
Sometimes I see people much younger than me going off to universities or graduating college and can't help but feel like some sort of a failure.
Or be regretful for not finishing the first time around.
I had that opportunity and I just didn't appreciate what was right in front of me.
So here I am, consumed with all these fears and emotions and heading back in to college again.
And then I hear the sound of a new incoming email.
It's titled "Academic Recognition", which reads:
It is our great pleasure to commend you on your recent academic achievement! Your grade point average during spring term of 2012 has earned you a place on the Dean's list.
We know that college is just one facet of your busy life. Our students work full- or part-time jobs, have families, are active in the community, and have numerous competing responsibilities. The fact that you've juggled all these roles and still managed to earn this impressive grade point average is a testament to your dedication and hard work.
Our congratulations on an honor that was earned by just five percent of our students this term.
Keep up the good work!
This was exactly what I needed.
I know that to some of you maybe making it on the Dean's list is no big deal, but it means everything to me.
I have the highest GPA that I have ever had in my whole life.
And the words that they used in their letter were so true.
I did work my butt off last term.
I really struggled with working, going to school, having a life, keeping my house clean, and on top of everything maintaining a healthy relationship with my husband.
It was hard, and it was worth it.
It paid off.
I feel like it was such a big step for me.
It means that I'm serious about this.
It gave me hope that I can accomplish what I set my mind to.
Because I did!
And I will!