Tuesday, February 25, 2014

A mental pause

For months now I've been telling myself I need to sit down and write. To tell you guys what is going on in my life. To get all of the millions of thoughts out on paper. But I just haven't taken the time to do it.

I remember when I started this new blog I thought, "I'm going to keep this blog focused and simple. I don't want to blog about all those millions of things that I used to blog about." And then after cutting out all of the "me" part of blogging I realized how much I actually just love to write. Mostly just because I get so bogged down with thoughts and emotions that if I don't take a second to write about it it will plague me for weeks.

To be honest I've actually written quite a bit lately. I just haven't felt the need to share those things. Like when we lost our kitty back in November. That was a painful time. I had about 18 million emotions and guilts and yadda yadda that I had to get out. Once it was out of me I felt so much freedom and healing from that. So I decided to start sharing some parts of me that I've kept out of this blog recently. Mostly because that is just what my life is right now. I'm not full of DIY projects or fashion posts. I'm mostly just living my life and going through all of the emotions that come with it.

If you get to know me you'll find out that I'm a pretty emotional person. I cry all the time. For a long time I tried to hide that fact about myself. It made me feel so out of control and weak. Recently I sort of came to terms with that part of myself and I'm trying not to hold that back from everyone in my life.

I remember I saw a counselor back in college (well, my first time in college) for a phase of depression I was going through. They prescribed me some anti-depressants and were asking me about some of the symptoms that I experience that we could monitor to ensure they were working properly. "Is this crying a normal thing?" Looking back I think I just took that question and began to use it to analyze my emotional health on my own. "Crap, I'm crying again, I must be depressed." But in reality I think I just needed to learn to understand where those emotions were coming from and how to let them out in a healthy way. Instead of simply medicating them.

Anyways, this post was really just to say that I hope to begin to share a little more with you guys as I find time to sit down and write. It may not be glamorous or maybe even all that interesting, but I feel the need to share a few things.

(( Oh and for those of you (ahem*Kayla) who wanted to know more about the Influence conference, I do plan to share. I even have photos that are still sitting on my memory card. There was so much I had to process through after the event that for awhile I couldn't figure out how to put it into words. But I suppose it is time I sit down and do that. ))