Saturday, June 30, 2012


I need some feed back.

Here's the deal, I'm thinking about changing my blog name.... again. It just isn't working for me. I tried shortening it to GW&GB which I like the look of, but it just doesn't make a lot of sense. This will be my second name change so I am hesitating just a bit. When I originally changed it I had like 5 people reading my blog, so I didn't really care about what my name was. I just wanted it to paint a picture, and honestly it was mostly just for myself.

Fast forward a year and I have gone from 5 readers to around 57 (still not that many compared to so many others). I've learned a lot about blogging, with loads left to learn. One thing that I have learned is that a name is really important.

Not that I hate my blog name, it just has nothing to do with what I write about. I never write about wine, and I never write about books. Honestly I hardly ever have time read books, and I am in no way a wine connoisseur. When I do enjoy a glass it is not accompanied by a book. I'm usually with friends or family.

So now I'm just thinking. This time if I change it, I want it to be for good. And I want it to be something that I love. I want it to be simple, short, and have loads of meaning. Is that possible? I hope so!

I just wanted to give you guys a heads up. I didn't want to just spring this on you suddenly, because I know you wouldn't know what to do with yourself. (Yes, that was sarcasm).

Have you ever changed your blog name?
Or have you considered it?
Am I the only person that thinks about this all the time?


If you are reading this now, you may have noticed that I already changed my name! After I posted this I did get some feed back (which you can read below) and from my husband, and well... I decided to take the plunge!

Knowing Tanya. Do you like it? 

To me it means a lot more than just you guys getting to know me. It also entails me getting to know myself. Plus it kind of reminded me of my mom (or family) saying, "Oh, you know Tanya...." finished with something that is very classically me.

I'm kind of weird. I'm very opinionated. I annoy people sometimes with my opinions on food or exercise. I can be very shy, but I can also be very hyper and crazy. I hate it when my clothes "match". I'm kind of a home body. I love my cats. 
And well... that is just me.

So here is to another new adventure, and a whole new round of discovering some things about myself.

Friday, June 29, 2012


Top: Nordstrom \\ Shorts: Thrift store \\ Shoes: Target \\ Sunglasses, Earrings, & Bracelet: Oldnavy

Ignore my super white legs in the picture above! 

To update you, I signed up for a 5k the other day! It is going to be on the 21st of July. A little bit later than I had planned, but I think I will need the extra week I will be getting.
My "training" is going really well so far. Not that it has been super difficult yet.
If you missed my last post, I am trying to work my way up to running a half marathon sometime this fall.
This week I have gotten up three times at 5:30am to go for a run before work! I'm so proud of myself for actually accomplishing the waking up part, that is by far the hardest step.
I don't know about you guys, but I am totally a morning person! I usually work everyday from 
8:30-12:30 (I know, baby shifts!), which leaves loads of time for running at the end of the day, but if I don't go before work, I may not go at all. So I just have to get up early.

Thus far I have been running for 20 minutes and just focusing on working on my pace. 
I am a s.l.o.w. runner! I'm not even sure if you can call it "running" maybe it is more of a jog. Either way, I am beyond slow. When I very first started running (about 4 years ago) my average mile was about 15 minutes! And I didn't even walk. I blame this on my height (5'1") 
My first run was last Saturday, which I ran at an average pace of 11:32. Eekk! It was pretty pitiful! However, I'm happy to say that I've already shaved almost a whole minute from my time, with an average mile of 10'37"!! This makes me very hopeful. I took 55 seconds off my mile in only 5 runs!
I would like to get below a 10 minute average mile.

I made a little training schedule for myself. Even if I never look at my training schedule, it helps keep me on track for where I need to be and what I have accomplished. I will be making some for August and September also, but I like to do it one month at a time. That way I can reevaluate and change based on what I am actually doing.
And for anyone that is curious, I am use my Nike+iPod app (weather permitting) to track all my runs.

Just to keep myself accountable and motivated I plan to blog about my training at least once a week, probably on Fridays or Saturdays.
Let's see if I can keep to this schedule I have made for myself!

Well, thanks for reading everyone!
On top of my regular running schedule, I need to get back into a regular blogging routine!
For now, have a good weekend!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Goals, again.

Yesterday morning I got home from a run on some what of a high.
You know, the kind where I feel like I could run a million miles...
[Even though I had just struggled to finish the two that I ran.]
I needed that.
Sometimes it is so easy to forget the things that I am capable of.
After a break it is easy to forget how much passion I have for running.
Or, how much confidence it builds to be able to finish strong.
Or finish at all.

Last summer I ran in my first 5k [as mentioned in my "I'm a runner" post].
I trained all summer up until November with every intention of running a half marathon by this summer, at the very latest.
Now that this summer is here... I can't realistically say that is going to happen.
I've started this summer running half the distance that I had been running.
I'm not going to lie, I'm a little disappointed.
It is really hard to have run a decent distance before and to feel like I have to start over from scratch.
It is sad that I can't accomplish a long time goal, because I lost sight of it somewhere back in November.

But, this is where I have to stop myself.
Yeah, it sucks.
Yeah, I used to be able to run twice as far with ease.
Yeah, my runs are straining.
My breathing isn't what it used to be.
My pace isn't what it used to be.

But, that doesn't mean I have to throw in the towel and give up.
I can't allow my discouragement to get the best of me.
I may only be able to run two miles without feeling like I'm going to die.
But at least I can still run two miles!!
At least I don't have to start out at a quarter of a mile.
Or by just walking.

Sometimes we just have to take our goals and reevaluate them.
Without feeling like a giant failure.
Or losing confidence in ourselves.

With that said, I'm setting some new goals.
And this time I need to take it step by step.
I need to be realistic.
And I still need to push myself.

So... here are my goals.
[If anyone would like to join in, I would love that! Even if we don't live near each other, it would be great to have someone to help keep each other on track.

Goal #1, Run a 5k by mid July.
Sign up- I want to start out with something achievable, which I definitely think a 5k is. I'm just waiting for payday to accomplish this one.
Train- I'm going to be making a detailed schedule of when I will be running. This is something I will be sharing, more as an accountability to myself. I am not super strick on my schedules, they have set days to do what, but I usually try to be flexible with myself.
I think a 5k will be easy to get to, at least easier than it was last time. I just want to do this first to ease my way into training. It also will help keep me motivated for my longer term goals.

Goal #2- Run a 10k by late August to early September.
Sign up- In a month from now I will be reevaluating how my running is doing to see when a realistic timeframe will be. Then I will sign up from there.
Train- Again, I will be making a detailed schedule and sharing.

Goal #3- Run a Half-Marathon, possibly sometime in November. [I don't want to go too far into winter months because I know how big of a baby I am about being cold.]
After my 10k I will come back to this one and set specific timeframes and goals.
I don't want to get ahead of myself.

I'm just going to add a little rant in here.
I was looking all over Pinterest for pictures.
Every. Single. Picture.
I clicked on was not linked properly back to the original.
I know that this is a known issue, especially among bloggers.
I just beg everyone to please please link back to the orignal post of whoever posted the pictures you are pinning.
Nothing irritates me more [on Pinterest] than to find something like a recipe or something that I want to see, and then find that it is not linked back to the actual recipe, but to a google image.
Also, if you are going to include images in your posts, it is only right that the person who actually created the image get credit for it.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Our {love} story: part 3

I'd say it's probably about time to finish this love story that I started back in May. Now that I have time to write the story myself, and Alex already wrote out all of his half, I will just include both sides. I'd love to have him write it, I just can't bring myself to only let you guys in on half of the story.

{Incase you have missed any of this story
 please check out

A key thing that you need to keep in mind while reading this, is that there were only 3 times when Alex and I had actually talked about our feelings with each other!

1st     when we were out for coffee, which Alex told you about in the first part of our story.
2nd    a few months later, when we chose not to date... we will get to that ;)
3rd     when we actually started dating.

All this meaning, that we allowed our feelings for each other to develop naturally. We weren't constantly reassuring each other how much we liked each other. Which was the hardest part!!

Well, let's get on with the story...
My side: Beginning Life School

So, there I was, a brand new face in a church where I knew almost no one. To say that I was scared, and a bit intimidated, was an understatement. I felt like such an outsider, and I literally had not a clue what I was getting myself into.

Something you may or may not be able to tell about me from my blog is that, I'm pretty quiet. Very quiet. This isn't really something that I brag about. It is actually part of my personality that kind of annoys me. I feel like I often have a lot to say, but sometimes I'm just not given an opportunity to speak. I'm sure we have all run into the kind of people who don't allow anyone else to get a word in. They just talk and talk and talk... and if you have something to say you have to interrupt them, or just wait for them to finish talking so you can say something, but half the time once you get a chance to say something it isn't even relevant anymore because they have talked for so long (I'm aware of the run on sentence). Well... I find myself surrounded by those kinds of people ALL. THE. TIME.

It's frustrating. I feel like I can never speak my mind. Maybe if I was louder I would try to talk over them. But I'm not. Sometimes this makes being the new girl really tough. I just don't know what to say. So I just stand/sit there. Awkwardly.

The first time I met Alex I was sitting in the hall of the church waiting to have an interview with the director of the school to see if I could come. After sitting there for awhile, not sure what to think, Alex walked in. The only thing he did was stare at me. Him and another student sat in the chairs across from me both looking at me like who the heck is this girl? but none of us saying a single word.
That was probably one of the more awkward moments of my life. 

I remember seeing Alex and not thinking much of it. I wondered what he was like. I wondered if he was going to say hi to this stranger sitting in his church hallway.

Then I got called in to talk with the director. Long story short, they accepted me into the school. Attending this school was probably the most rash decision I have ever made. Someone had told me a very little bit about it. I didn't want to go. Then one day I decided I wanted to go. I went in, applied, got accepted and left for "boot camp" all in one week. Everyone else had applied months before.

A few days later I packed up my bags and headed out to the church to go to "Launch Week" which was sort of a boot camp style retreat. That is when I saw Alex for the second time. He was leaning against one of the church buildings when I came up with all my bags, completely unsure of myself and second guessing my decision to attend. I remember thinking that he was kind of cute. I actually remember sizing up all the guys and thinking that Alex was the one that I was the most attracted to. 

I tried to mingle a bit. But I felt awkward. Most of these people knew each other for years, and all of them were regular attenders of the church. I did have one "friend" that was attending this school. I'm not sure if we could really be considered friends at the time, more like acquaintances. We both had worked at Starbucks, and had met each other at a party the year before. Neither of us having any clue that the other was attending this school. Her name was Aly. And I soon found out that she was actually Alex's cousin. 

During that first hour of waiting to board the bus, I was constantly aware of Alex. Still standing against the wall. Still eyeing me strangely. I wondered if he was ever going to say hi to me, or introduce himself.

But he never did. 

I pretty much hung out with Aly for most of the week, every once in awhile Alex would talk with her... and look at me, saying a few words here and there. Thinking back, I'm not even totally sure what I thought of him. He was a little awkward. A little nerdy. His clothes were far too tight. I wasn't in love with his hair (long and shaggy). But somehow, I was just drawn to him. I remember several times throughout that week when we just had some sort of connection. Not the kind where we talk for hours and hours. It was the kind where we would catch each others eye from across the room. 

I knew instantly that I had a crush on this guy, but since I had just gotten out of a relationship and I hadn't come to this school to meet anyone, I tried to ignore it. Then Alex started hanging out with one of the other girls. Honestly, I was pretty jealous of this other girl. She was beautiful, athletic, a total package, that I could never compete with. I had resolved that this was for the best and I ignored him. {Plus, I hate to admit it, but I was totally a game player. I knew the more I ignored him the more intrigued he might become.}

And so things went for a little while. I made other friends and just tried to focus on why I came to this school, to have a better relationship with God.

When we had come back from launch week I moved into the "dorm" with three other girls, which was really just a modular building on the church property.

My roommate Nikki!

I quickly started a friendship with one of Alex's roommates. Since their apartment was right across the street from the "dorm" I would spend a lot of time there hanging out and talking with the guys. This was something I was more comfortable with, being surrounded by guys. I just found it easier to be myself with them. With girls I felt so much pressure to live up to some sort of self imposed standard, but with the guys it was more laid back. Sometimes my roommates did come with me and we all had a lot of fun over there.

No matter the friendship that I formed with any of Alex's roommates, there was still an undeniable connection between him and I. I always longed for him to spend more time with us, but he was stand-off-ish and often opted to go to bed early whenever I was around. However, there was the occasional times when he would be a gentlemen and walk me back to my door. Which often led to us standing outside my door talking for far too long.

Nothing exciting happend, nothing that let me know that he was in anyway interested in me (other than my own suspicion) until that Halloween. His roommates had a party that me and my roommates went to. I don't remember much about that night, other than sitting on the couch with Alex talking, for hours. He was flirty. He was awkward. He would punch my arm or try to tickle me. I was pretty sure he liked me.

Alex on Halloween

After that night we spent a lot of time flirting. Everyone but us could tell that we had a thing for each other. Even our teachers would comment. At this point in time everyone decided they needed to warn me about Alex. I heard all kinds of stuff about how he was a big "player" and he was always looking for a girlfriend. I heard about all the different girls within the church that he had crushes on at one time or another. With all this information I tried to deny my feelings for him. I tried to pretend like I wasn't "falling" for his "game".

I remember one of my friends asking me if I liked him and I flat out denied it and told her that Alex was like a brother to me. I even told him that to his face once... NOT a good idea! Ladies, if you like a guy, do not say they are like a brother to you. No matter how much you want to pretend you don't like them.

But the truth was, we were bonding. We were building a really deep friendship. And I was smitten with him. I couldn't help it and I couldn't explain it. I didn't even know why I liked him, all I knew was that I did. Regardless of all the warnings everyone had given me. Regardless of how awkward and completely uncharming he was... I couldn't stop thinking about him. I couldn't help but try to sit next to him in class, or strike up a meaningless conversation, or just be near him. I had fun with him. He was different. He was funny. He was nothing like any guy I had ever met before. And he was SO SOOOO not smooth. [Sorry babe, you really can't deny it.]

This was awhile later, much different style!

I slowly let a couple of my friends in on my [not so] secret crush. They were by no means surprised when I told them. My friend Nikki was probably the most supportive. Which is why, when all of us got invited to a holiday party, she was the one encouraging me to ask Alex to go.

Which I did. In a text message, of course. It went something like this,

me: Hey, do you want to ride with me and Nikki to the party tomorrow? 
Alex: Sure, I'll drive.
me: cool

Thrilling conversation, I know. None-the-less, I was as excited as I could be, and knew that I had to look my best. Electric blue dress, 4 inch red heels. I was set! Since Alex already told you all about this party and how we got our lovely "marriage bears" as they are referred to, I wont go into more detail. But just know, that I'm pretty sure that was the single most embarrassing moment of my life.

After that whole experience I think it was pretty obvious to both Alex and myself that we needed to have a little talk. Did he like me? As obvious as it should have been, I had no idea! One second he was about as subtle as a blow torch, the next second he was pretending I didn't exist. I think this had a lot more to do with him trying to focus on not dating, but to me it was just confusing. And as a girl, I just needed some answers.

Thus led to our coffee "date" during which Alex asked me if I liked him. I didn't know what to say. I knew that this question was bound to come up sooner or later, but when it did, I wasn't sure how to approach it. In my past experience the next step to mutually liking someone would mean dating them. Was I ready for this? Four months after my last relationship, was that enough time? I don't know why, but I knew that this wasn't our time. I knew I needed to wait. Alex had become one of my best guy friends and that was something I wasn't ready to sacrifice just to have another failed relationship. I wanted something more.

I knew that the initial excitement could fade over time. I've experienced that more times that I would like to admit. I didn't want that. I wanted a steady relationship with someone who was going to be my future husband. I was done with dating for fun. I was done with trying to find my worth in guys. If he truly liked me and wanted to be with me, I knew that he would still be around when I was ready to date.

So, I told him that I did like him, but that I wasn't ready for a relationship.
He agreed.
And that was that...

At least for another three months.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Guess what?

I'm finally done with school!!!!

Ok,ok.... just for the term. This was my little BIL's graduation.

Look how cute they are! Alex and his little brother and sister.

I'm soooo happy to be done! you have no idea what a relief this is (ok... maybe you do). As of last wednesday I had to complete somewhere around 25 assignments, most of which were due by Monday! So you could say I was a little stressed. Thus far I know I have an A and two B's, and I'm just crossing my fingers that my last grade is an A!

Anyways, I'm sure you were all dying to read about my grades and assignments and all that (please note my sarcasm), but lets leave all those troubles behind us!.

Now that I have 50 extra hours on my hands... ok more like 20... here are some topics to come up in the near future:

  • Finishing our love story {part 1 & part 2}
  • An update on the whole anxiety and counseling issue
  • Some craft and building projects {yep! I craft and build things!}
.... I'm drawing a blank on allll the things I have been dying {literally dying!} to blog about. It has taken some serious will power to work on homework rather than write a blog.

In other news: Today is my second blogiversary!!! Yay!!! Although my blogging really never picked up much until this last January, I actually have had a blog for two years now. Man how time flies!

In honor of my blogiversary (is it blogiversary or blogaversary??) I wanted to write about a topic that I had written about in my very first blog, marriage!


..... I just can't bring myself to think right now.

I'm sorry.
It is beautiful outside.
I'm actually dressed kind of cute... at least more than I have in the last month.
And I want to go shopping. (duh!)
So, I think I will post about that another day. (no promises!)
I have cute clothes to go buy!
And I feel no remorse because I know each and every one of you would do the same!

Since I know all you millions of readers were just dying in anticipation of my blogging return, take this opportunity to read my first blog. Because, if I ever get around to it (which I actually have time for now), I will be posting a second edition of what I have learned about marriage since that day two years ago. Fun, huh?

Ahh, happy to be back! See you guys soon!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Break time.

Ahhh, I have finished all of the homework for one of my classes.
One down.
Three to go.
I have one week left of homework assignments galore and then I'm home free.
Needless to say I'm going to be taking a break from blogging until I am finished with school.
I love you guys, but I need to cut out some extra stress, and I will be the first to admit that blogging is last on my list of priorities.
Real life first, blog life second. 
{I have to remind myself of that from time to time}.

Now that's all cleared up, I'm gonna give my brain a little break from the chaos and catch up on the bachelorette.

See ya ladies in a week {or so}!