Goodbye forever, Or just for awhile?

I know it has been a long time since I wrote a post. And even worse, in my last post I stated that I would have a little vlog up for you guys like a week and a half ago. Clearly that hasn't happened. Somehow I always forget my little rule of never making any promises because as soon as I make the promise, I never follow through (at least here in blog land).

Anyways, I'm writing this post to say one thing and one thing only. I've decided to take a break from blogging.

I would like to claim the excuse that my life has just been too busy for me to keep up with this, but that is just not true. To be honest, I just don't feel any motivation right now. Every day that goes by that I don't write a word I feel an unreasonable amount of guilt. And I don't like that. That is why I decided to take a break, because at least if I tell you guys this is happening, I don't have to feel guilty.

I'm not saying I'm going to be gone forever. I'm also not not saying that. (Double negative, figure it out.) As of right now I plan to start back up in December... but I'm not going to give myself a timeline. I just need to take a step back and reevaluate why I am doing this. What do I want this blog to accomplish? Do I just want to gain a bunch of followers so I can feel good about myself? Do I want to try to be inspiring? If so, what does that even look like? Is this really a place where I can accomplish those things?

Everything in my life feels a little bit unorganized right now and I just need to try to figure out a routine. My life has taken a lot of turns over the past few months. Nearly everything is new to me and I just feel like I am sinking in a bottomless pit of chaos. Not because there is too much, but just because I have let everything fall into it's own place.

It's like when my room gets messy and it drives me crazy, but I feel too overwhelmed to clean anything, so I just let it all pile up until it makes my whole life feel like it is going to come crashing down around me and I am helpless to stop it. That sounds rather dramatic, but that is really what happens to me. I need things to be organized and planned out, and when they aren't I feel confused and helpless. Even though in reality I have everything I need to fix the situation.

So that is what I'm doing. I'm taking this time to figure out what I want. To organize my life a bit. To set some goals and put in to place some structure. In all areas of my life, not just this one. And usually cleaning means making a mess bigger before it gets better.

Ok, I've said a lot more than one thing. So with that I am out of here. More likely than not, I'll be back. Because regardless of why I come to this little world, I just haven't figured out how to keep myself away.

How to be yourself

There is definitely a balance that I have had to figure out ever since starting my blog.
I've always wanted to be real and not pretend to be someone different on here than I am in real life.
But sometimes that is complicated.
Even though I would absolutely love to be an open book with everyone, I've had to learn when to share and when to keep my mouth shut.

On top of this, I've had to figure out how to just let go and be myself.
Without worrying about what everyone is going to think of me.
I'm a little quirky.
A bit weird.
Nerdy for sure.
Very sarcastic.
And sometimes even a bit cynical.
Sometimes people don't find the same things funny that I do.
Sometimes people don't realize when I am actually joking and when I'm being serious.
And you know what?
That's just who I am.
It's the way I am in real life, and it's the way I am in my blog.
When I post something that gets absolutely zero results, I've had to learn not to beat myself up about it.
Because that is honestly who I am.
Maybe not everyone is going to understand it, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I need to change.

It took me awhile to get to this place where I can just be myself and not worry what you guys are going to think of me. But, I'm happy that I did. Because I feel a little more free now.

And here is how you can do it too.

1. Remember that it is your blog. Write what you want to write and be who you want to be. If you are feeling funny, be funny. If you are feeling serious, be serious. Maybe it's not the way you usually do things. Maybe not everyone will get your jokes. Maybe not everyone will be moved to tears, but at least you are being true to yourself.

2. Don't check your stats or for comments a bazillion times after you publish a new post. A watch pot doesn't boil, and a watch blog doesn't get comments. Ok, it will probably still get comments, but you will just stress yourself out if it takes a couple hours to get your first comment. I've had to learn to publish my post and then go about my day, pretending that nothing is going on over here in blogland.

3. If you get zero comments, just forget about it. Even if no one liked your post at all, is it really the end of the world? Probably not. You have tomorrow to write something new and inspiring. Trust me, I know we all love comments! It is a good gage of whether you are keeping up with good content, but one "bad" post isn't going to kill you. Plus remember that many people who read, wont comment, even though they like what you had to say!

4. Don't change just because of something someone else is doing. One thing might work for one person, but it doesn't mean it is going to work for everyone. Trust me. I've tried to be more like certain bloggers, and it never goes over well. People can tell that you are being fake. At least I feel like I can tell when people are being fake.

5. Don't be afraid to branch out. I know that most people find their blogging "voice" and try to stick to that. But I say, don't feel confined to one specific "voice". People change and grow. You aren't always going to be the same as you are at this very moment. Not only that, but our moods are constantly changing. Sometimes I am extremely happy. Sometimes I'm hyper. Or sad. Or serious. Or missing someone. Or feeling like sharing something important. Or just down right silly. Why should I feel that just because I usually write serious posts that I can't write a silly one?


Obviously there are a lot of other ways to help you focus on being yourself. It can be incredibly simple and complicated all at the same time. At least that is how I feel sometimes. There is so much pressure we put on ourselves to be a certain way, or be more like a certain type of person. But it really isn't necessary.

The more we act like ourselves, the more others appreciate us for who we are.
Which is all I could ever ask for from life.

My absolute favorite thing about blogging?

100% hands down is the people I have met!

I feel sooo unbelievably blessed to have such a support system here in the blogosphere, and it really does reach out into my real life! Awhile ago, before I really started being serious about my blog, I would read posts about how much people loved all of the friends that they had made since starting a blog. Over the past couple of months I've actually started figuring out what that looked like!

[How many times can I say blog in one post??]

Seriously, I can't even begin to express how much these women [YOU women!] have impacted my life. Sometimes I will be having a conversation with one of my IRL friends and I will say something like, "Oh that's funny my friend so-and-so was just talking about that the other day!" Which translates to, "OMG my blogging bff just wrote a post about that!!".

[In my head I am always way more excited than I express in real life... if you know me you know this is true]

I don't have a giant successful blog, but I am still going to lend my advice to all you people out there...

Here it is: If you blog, reach out to the people around you. Seriously, it will change your entire experience of this whole realm of life. 

My whole experience changed when I stopped focusing on how many followers I had for my own blog, and started building some real relationships with the other people out there. I'm sure some of you would like to hear that this is the key to increasing the number of followers, but it isn't. My blog has grown a tiny bit, but the real thing that has changed is that I've actually made some friends in the process. And the best part is that they accept me for who I am and just want to be a support!

If you don't blog, you can still reach out to the people around you! Through this whole process I've learned that I can actually make friends, or be closer friends with the ones I already have, and not just with people who are a million miles away and who I don't have to have a real conversation with. I'll be honest, I have a hard time making friends, and an even harder time keeping friends. It's hard. It sucks. I always wonder what is wrong with me. But I think through meeting and making blog friends I realize that people just want to know that you care about them, and to know that you value who they are! 

Part of this comes with learning to truly accept people for who they are. I'm not in my friendships to change anyone. They are the ones that are changing me! I'm so incredibly blessed by the people that are in my life, and they continually teach me to love and accept myself, as well as others.

So I just want to say thank you to those of you that follow along here. Even if you don't stop in to read my posts, I'm honored just to be on your little "blog roll" of blogs that you do follow! And I'm thankful that you have been an encouragement to me in one way or another.

There you have it. The thing that keeps me reading everyone else's posts far more often than I read or write my own!

Guess what?

I'm finally done with school!!!!

Ok,ok.... just for the term. This was my little BIL's graduation.

Look how cute they are! Alex and his little brother and sister.

I'm soooo happy to be done! you have no idea what a relief this is (ok... maybe you do). As of last wednesday I had to complete somewhere around 25 assignments, most of which were due by Monday! So you could say I was a little stressed. Thus far I know I have an A and two B's, and I'm just crossing my fingers that my last grade is an A!


Anyways, I'm sure you were all dying to read about my grades and assignments and all that (please note my sarcasm), but lets leave all those troubles behind us!.

Now that I have 50 extra hours on my hands... ok more like 20... here are some topics to come up in the near future:

• Finishing our love story {part 1 & part 2}
• An update on the whole anxiety and counseling issue
• Some craft and building projects {yep! I craft and build things!}

.... I'm drawing a blank on allll the things I have been dying {literally dying!} to blog about. It has taken some serious will power to work on homework rather than write a blog.

In other news: Today is my second blogiversary!!! Yay!!! Although my blogging really never picked up much until this last January, I actually have had a blog for two years now. Man how time flies!

In honor of my blogiversary (is it blogiversary or blogaversary??) I wanted to write about a topic that I had written about in my very first blog, marriage!

But!....

..... I just can't bring myself to think right now.

I'm sorry.
It is beautiful outside.
I'm actually dressed kind of cute... at least more than I have in the last month.
And I want to go shopping. (duh!)
So, I think I will post about that another day. (no promises!)
I have cute clothes to go buy!
And I feel no remorse because I know each and every one of you would do the same!

Since I know all you millions of readers were just dying in anticipation of my blogging return, take this opportunity to read my first blog. Because, if I ever get around to it (which I actually have time for now), I will be posting a second edition of what I have learned about marriage since that day two years ago. Fun, huh?

Ahh, happy to be back! See you guys soon!