Thursday, November 15, 2012

Goodbye forever, Or just for awhile?

I know it has been a long time since I wrote a post. And even worse, in my last post I stated that I would have a little vlog up for you guys like a week and a half ago. Clearly that hasn't happened. Somehow I always forget my little rule of never making any promises because as soon as I make the promise, I never follow through (at least here in blog land).

Anyways, I'm writing this post to say one thing and one thing only. I've decided to take a break from blogging.

I would like to claim the excuse that my life has just been too busy for me to keep up with this, but that is just not true. To be honest, I just don't feel any motivation right now. Every day that goes by that I don't write a word I feel an unreasonable amount of guilt. And I don't like that. That is why I decided to take a break, because at least if I tell you guys this is happening, I don't have to feel guilty.

I'm not saying I'm going to be gone forever. I'm also not not saying that. (Double negative, figure it out.) As of right now I plan to start back up in December... but I'm not going to give myself a timeline. I just need to take a step back and reevaluate why I am doing this. What do I want this blog to accomplish? Do I just want to gain a bunch of followers so I can feel good about myself? Do I want to try to be inspiring? If so, what does that even look like? Is this really a place where I can accomplish those things?

Everything in my life feels a little bit unorganized right now and I just need to try to figure out a routine. My life has taken a lot of turns over the past few months. Nearly everything is new to me and I just feel like I am sinking in a bottomless pit of chaos. Not because there is too much, but just because I have let everything fall into it's own place.

It's like when my room gets messy and it drives me crazy, but I feel too overwhelmed to clean anything, so I just let it all pile up until it makes my whole life feel like it is going to come crashing down around me and I am helpless to stop it. That sounds rather dramatic, but that is really what happens to me. I need things to be organized and planned out, and when they aren't I feel confused and helpless. Even though in reality I have everything I need to fix the situation.

So that is what I'm doing. I'm taking this time to figure out what I want. To organize my life a bit. To set some goals and put in to place some structure. In all areas of my life, not just this one. And usually cleaning means making a mess bigger before it gets better.

Ok, I've said a lot more than one thing. So with that I am out of here. More likely than not, I'll be back. Because regardless of why I come to this little world, I just haven't figured out how to keep myself away.

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