Monday, May 14, 2012

My background {to the love story}

So, I know that I said Alex was going to share our love story, but before he continues I think I need to give you a little more background to why I wasn't ready to date yet.

You see, a year before I met Alex, I had gone through an ugly breakup with my very first "long term" (a year and a half) boyfriend which left me in a rough place. I was 19, just finishing my freshman year in college and not really sure how to survive in the real world. Very soon after this breakup I decided to write a list of all the traits that I wanted in a future husband, and then I made a second list of all the traits that I needed to have to attract the kind of guy I was looking for.

After that, I thought I wouldn't want to date anyone for a long while. And then something strange happened. I found that, for the very first time in my life, guys were actually interested in me. I would see a guy I thought was cute, and they would actually ask for my number! This was so new and exciting to me that I decided, not to swear off dating but to view it much more casually. I had been hurt pretty bad and I was {or at least thought I was} ready to just have fun, and not be tied down to one particular person.

I honestly felt like a whole new person. In high school I was never, ever, the kid that went out to parties. I was the kid that didn't know that high schoolers actually had parties, I thought it was a myth. I still find myself shocked when younger people tell me the kind of stuff that goes on in high school, and even in middle school! I wouldn't necessarily say I was "sheltered", I like call it "oblivious".  

Anyways, lets just say I hit my "partying" stage in life. I was finally the social butterfly that I always wanted to be. I made tons of friends, we had parties all the time. And yes, there was definitely alcohol involved. I'm not going to lie, it was actually a lot of fun and do value that year of life that I had.

The only thing I would take back are the relationships with guys that I had that year. I did casually date a lot of guys, some because they didn't want a serious relationship, some because I wasn't ready to have one, and couple because neither of us were looking for a relationship. Which, in some ways, I don't really see much of a problem with. It was more the way in which I went about it. I had decided that I wanted to be like a guy, and not feel any emotional attachment to guys. However, I think it just left me feeling even more broken and even a bit used. And lets face it, I'm not a guy! I have so many emotions that most of the time they just come spilling out of me uncontrollably.

I wanted some sort of companionship, but I wasn't quite ready to jump in head first. I was skeptical about ever dating anyone again, but I also had a tremendous void in my life that I wanted desperately to fill. I grew to believe that there was something massively wrong with me. That I was incapable of having a true healthy relationship. I was doomed to always be who I was in my past relationships. Looking back I can see that, of course I was immature and stupid in relationships, I was 18/19!

The last relationship I had was the summer before I met Alex. He was a very devout Christian, and honestly looking back I think that was the only thing that interested me in him. After the crazy year I had, I was intrigued by his love for God, and somewhere along the way I knew that I had misplaced that. When that relationship ended, I was confused but I still knew that no matter what guy came in or out of my life, that I needed God.

Some of my friends didn't really understand this "new" {to them} person I had become and I did lose a lot of friends. Or rather, we just didn't have as much in common as we thought, and many of us went our separate ways. I didn't want to go to parties, I didn't want to be around alcohol, I just wanted to find out who I was.

Thus, I somehow miraculously found myself attending a discipleship school in a local church, with only a couple people that I had barely known. Which is where Alex's story begins.

In case you missed it check out part 1 of our love story written by my husband!

Linking up with:

Covered in Grace

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for taking the time to stop by!