Wednesday, July 18, 2012

My biggest struggle?

Being too judgmental.

Honestly, this is something that I really hate. Not only am I judgmental of other people, I'm extremely judgmental of myself. My husband and I both try to encourage each other in this, but it is hard. 

But you know what? I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person that struggles with this. I hear it all the time. I hear people talking about how this girl is fatter than that girl, or how that person should not be wearing that shirt. Or how that girl is too good for that guy. That couple fights more than this other couple. The list goes on and on, and I would be a complete hypocrite if I ever said that I do not participate in any of these conversations or have these negative thoughts.

And it's ugly. I do not like this about myself.

I will be the very first to admit that this more than likely just stems from my own insecurities.
What if I don't measure up?
What if people think I'm fat?
What if I wear clothes that I should not be wearing?
What if we are the couple that fights all the time?

I try to act cool and confident. But inside I always feel like in one way or another I'm not measuring up. I could list every single part of my body that I wish was skinnier or every part of my personality that I wish was different. Heck, I could probably name like 20 different things that I wish I was better at. Actually, I'm sure I could write more than that.

How do I change? And how do I encourage change in others? To that I do not have answers. I only hope and pray that this isn't a part of my life forever. I need to learn not to be so hard on myself and on other people. People have enough problems of their own without me (and others) being judgmental about them. 

And the worst part is that I genuinely want the best for people. I want them to know that they are beautiful. I want people to know that they don't have to look like a Victoria's Secret model to be beautiful or "sexy". And I genuinely want all people to believe and see that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and colors and personalities. 

Sometimes I just get caught up in everything that I am lacking to see that maybe the only true things that I am lacking are love, compassion, and humility.

How can we be an uplifting community that doesn't tear each other down just to make us feel better about ourselves?

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