Friday, July 27, 2012

I *refuse* to be bullied!

{I often worry that my blog is going to sound negative, and this post is definitely one that has that potential. But, I've decided that I'm going to write from my heart anyways. If you see this as negative well then, maybe I have a lot of negative feelings and emotions that I need to get out. I have to let them out somewhere, and writing is probably one of the healthier ways to do that. Feel free not to read it if that bothers you.}

Life is all about choices. We make hundreds of choices every day. Sometimes we make the wrong choices and sometimes we don't. But the point is, they are our choices. No one can decide for you, you have to decide for yourself.

What I'm learning about right now is that sometimes other people don't like the choices that we make. Some people are more accepting of them even though they don't like them. Then there are the ones that will bully you until you make a decision that they like.

I've encountered my far share of bullies in my life. If you don't do what they want then they will make your life miserable until you do. Or they will just try to make your life miserable anyways. These people often leave you feeling like you can't do anything right.

I'm here to say that I'm tired of it!

The fact of the matter is that this is my life. In the past I've let these people make my decisions for me. Because I didn't want to be the cause of drama, and I just caved under the pressure. My goal was just to make them happy so they would leave me alone.

But it never stops!

They never let me make my own decisions. They never let me be my own person. They never respect the fact that I have a whole big life of my own. I am 25 years old and I am far too old to let people bully me and keep me from living my own life.

The worst is that sometimes people get mad at me for something that is out of my control. It has been hard for me not to try to make everyone happy. It is hard not to try to just give in. But sometimes I physically just can not do what they are wanting, and I am tired of being punished for that.

You can not and will not make me feel bad for something that I do not have control over.
I'm sorry, but I won't allow that.
Sometimes I have to make tough decisions.
Sometimes you aren't going to like my decisions.
But you are just going to have to learn to accept that.
Without attacking me!!
{"you" as in the hypothetical "you"}

To be honest, within the last 24 hours I've actually considered deleting my blog, as well as my Facebook. I'm tried of certain people taking the things that I say and using them against me. I'm pretty honest in my blog, I write a lot about my personal struggles. This isn't because I want to give people leverage over me. It's so I can be honest with the world. It's so I can reach out to other people, because I know that they struggle with the same things. 

Some people have made assumptions about my life based on the things that I have said, and that is frustrating to me. I wish that I could just be honest about things, without people jumping to all sorts of conclusions as to what that means.
Regardless of what some people may think
Alex and I do have a happy marriage.
In general I'm pretty happy.
Yes, I have issues with anxiety.
That doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with my life.
That doesn't mean that I'm not happy.
If anything this bullying is just the cause of ALL of my anxiety.
Sometimes I feel like I don't have control of my own life.
Because I have never stood up for myself.
And I'm tired of that!

It is time to say enough is enough. 

I've finally figured out that I can say, "No, that isn't what I want to do, but thanks for your input." 
What happens from there is not my responsibility. 
How they decide to interpret that and the offense that they decide to take from that is not my fault.

I am so unbelievably tired of people just walking all over me.
And the truth is, that it is my own fault.
I don't stand up and say, "I'm sorry you can't treat me that way."
But I need to.
And that is what I am doing now.

I also refuse to get rid of something that has brought me enjoyment.
And by that I mean my blog.
I'm not going to delete it, and I'm not going to allow myself to be bullied into doing so.

If you have read all of this, thank you for listening to me.

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