Wednesday, July 11, 2012

A retraction of sorts

So a couple of weeks ago I wrote about all the things that I had learned about marriage in the last two years (see that post here). Well someone just brought to my attention that when they read this post that they thought it meant that we fight all the time and were having marriage problems. I'm sad that this is the impression that I may have given off and I just can't live with the fact that anyone else out there may have gotten this same impression. That is so not true, nor was it the purpose of the post that I had written. 
"We don't have a perfect marriage. Sometimes people comment (IRL) about how in love we are or how happy we seem or that we look like the perfect couple. But we aren't. I don't really think anyone is. I promise you that we have had some bumps in the road. And I don't mean about who is going to do the dishes. We have had some real heartbreaking struggles. But, at the end of the day, he is still my husband. I still love him no matter what. I still know that I couldn't live without him. No matter what mistakes he makes, or I make, we still make each other better people. He is still my best friend and the only person that I have ever been able to trust my whole heart with."
I suppose it could have been easy to misinterpret this line. I only meant that we aren't perfect, and I don't believe that anyone else is perfect either. I'm not going to pretend like in our nearing 3 years of marriage that we have never been through any struggles. Usually it is coming through the tough times that brings us far closer than we ever knew we could be.

Call me crazy, but I just have this nagging within me to always be honest about my humanness. I have flaws. Alex has flaws. We don't always say or do the right thing. Sometimes we don't act in loving ways. Sometimes we fight. That's part of being in a relationship. If we never fought then we wouldn't really be working through our true issues. We would just be pretending like everything was fine. I just don't want anyone to have a false impression that we have the perfect life and that I am here to tell you how perfect I am. If you've been reading my blog for any length of time at all you should know that I just want to be real and honest. I'd rather admit my areas of weakness than have you all believe that I am someone that I am not.

I want to be free to be the real me, and I want to be accepted for who I am. How can I do that if I give you a false impression of who I am?

When you get married you don't just suddenly become a perfect partner to your spouse. It is something that you have to work at and learn to grow in. And in order to grow and better serve each other, you have to desire that. You have to want to be a better spouse. Otherwise you just wont care and will never try to change.

I suppose the point that I was trying to get across is that being married has really opened my eyes to my own areas of weakness. Everyday I see how much more I can do for him, and sometimes I even recognize the unwillingness in me to take those loving actions.
If you think that is a bad thing, that's ok. Because I don't. It works for us. We are happy. And that is really all that matters.

We love each other more than I knew two people could love each other. We want to spend every minute of every day together. We still haven't gotten sick of each other. Yes, we need space from time to time, that doesn't mean we don't love each other. I never want anyone to think that we aren't madly in love. Or that we don't truly value each other and our marriage. I never knew that I could feel so strongly about one person that I feel like if anything ever happened to him that I would mentally, emotionally, and physically die without him in my life.

I just can't picture a single day of my life without him in it. I didn't even know it was possible for someone to love and adore me the way he does.

Regardless of how much we may love each other, I just don't want anyone to try to hold us up to any sort of standard.
 Just let us be us, whatever that may mean.

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