I'm dreaming of chemistry equations...

Yep, dreaming about math and chemistry. It sucks when your homework break/nap consists of dreaming about how to solve the problem you are stuck on.

This is literally my life right now. Buried in chemistry equations. Don't take this as me complaining because this is what I wanted. Not necessarily to be buried in chemistry homework, but to finish my degree and do something that I actually enjoy. To be honest, I actually kind of like chemistry and math and all that other stuff that lots of people hate. I guess this is the perfect path for me because I have lots more science classes to take. Oh goody! (please, that was sarcasm people!)

I know this isn't going to be an easy path. I know that I am going to have to fight my desires to be lazy and sleep in until noon and cuddle with my adorable cats (which is very hard to resist!). But I know that in the end it will all be worth it.

Before I started school I felt like maybe I was too old to pursue a career change. But now that I am there, I know that I still have so much life ahead of me. There are people who wait until they are in their 30's or 40's and suddenly decide they want to be a nurse, and then go to school and their dreams become a reality. I'm not even nearly that age, so what is stopping me? It isn't an unattainable goal. This is something that I can accomplish if I really want to.

Every opportunity has been opened to me, and my job is only to embrace those opportunities and run with them. I'm excited about the challenges ahead of me, because I know that it is going to build character along the way.

I know that I could get discouraged along the way, but I just hope that the people in my life will help me snap out of it. And that does include you guys!

For now I need to sleep, because I have to get up at 5:30 again tomorrow morning. Yikes.

Closed doors

Yesterday I found out that we will not be moving. At least not right now.
It was kind of stressful news, because now I am going to have to commute every day to school about 45 minutes, which means that we are going to have to rearrange our budget so that we can afford all of that gas money.

Commuting is also a scary subject because I still have panic attacks when I drive on the freeway, but that is a whole other topic for another day.

At first when we found out that Alex didn't get the promotion, it sucked, but I wasn't that upset.
Even though Alex was pretty crushed. He felt like a huge failure and like he wasn't providing for our family. Luckily I was pretty calm and I helped reassure him that God is in control and everything will be fine.

Then yesterday I broke down.
While Alex was at work I was getting ready to leave to run some errands and my heart started racing.
I am trying to transfer my admission from one campus to the other (one that is closer).
I can't register for classes until I go to an orientation.
And until my campus transfer gets processed.
Which I thought I had already missed all of the orientations offered.
And on top of everything I know that my job is going to have a really hard time working around my school schedule... as in they may not do it if it is too bad.

So I was a little stressed, and scrambling, and disappointed, and confused, and feeling a bit helpless.
I sat down on the floor in my closet and cried.
Not sure where to go next because I feel like everything is out of my hands.
Which is probably because it is out of my hands.
I think I have been trying to hold back those tears for awhile.
I've wanted so badly to trust that God has everything figured out.
But yesterday, as I sat there with tears streaming down my cheeks, I prayed.
I told God that I don't know how to trust Him with this,
that no matter how much I strive to let this go, I honestly don't know how.
And I prayed for peace, and patients and understanding.

Then Alex called.
As calm as can be he told me that he wasn't worried at all.
He really sounded at peace with everything.
And he reassured me that everything was going to be fine,
all those questions would be figured out in due time.
He reminded me that God doesn't close doors for no reason.

My heart immediately stopped pounding.
And I felt calmer than I have in months.

As helpless and out of control as I felt,
I remembered that it is my choice to let my circumstances control me.
And I realized that I could take all that pent up fear and emotion
and turn it into a feeling of empowerment.

I realized that this door closed, and opened up a million other possibilities with it.
It doesn't mean failure.
It just means different options.
Maybe even better options.

This next term is going to be a tough one, but I'm excited for the challenges and possibilities it opens.
I'm excited to be closing one chapter of my life, and opening a new one.

Why my husband should never be allowed to hold a camera

So sometimes this is what my life looks like:

Me (just getting home from buying a new item of clothing): Hey babe, you know what this means??

Alex: What?

Me: We need to take pictures! So I can do an outfit post!!

Alex (with uncontainable excitement): Oh... goody...

Tank: Roxy (from PacSun last summer) | Shorts: TJMaxx

And then I end up with pictures like this....

As if my neighbors didn't think we were weird enough. Maybe we redeemed ourselves after this display of awesomeness.

I'm pretty sure this is the worse picture I have ever taken.

These are literally poses that he has asked me to make...

Ok, ok, the second and third ones are me pretending to be a model after he told me to run my hands through my hair while he snapped like a gazillion pictures.

Beautiful, huh? I'm pretty sure I should be on America's Next Top Model. Just sayin'.

Also... I think I am beginning to see why my IRL friends think I'm weird. 

Yes, yes I did just post some awful pictures of myself for the whole world [wide web] to see.

What of it?

(And for you non-bloggers IRL stands for In Real Life).

And now that I have made a complete fool of myself, I'm off to watch last nights episode of the Bachelorette. See ya!