The Question

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There is a question that as a married woman I get asked all the time. Nearly once a week.

"When are you having kids?"

I totally understand the question. It is only the natural next step, especially after being married for (almost) four years.

Lots of my friends have kids, or are trying for kids, or want kids but are waiting for the "right time". I think being a mom is a wonderful gift. It seems to make life deeper and more meaningful. You get to share a love for someone that you never knew you could have. At least this is what I have gathered from those that have children.

But I feel like there is something that I have to get off my chest about all this.

I don't want kids.

There I said it. I may be completely kicked out of any blogging friend circle I ever thought I would be a part of. When I tell people this they usually just stare at me for a little while, ask me why, and then tell me that I will be a great mom and I'll change my mind some day. Or they ask,"Well who is going to take care of you when you get older?" Or tell me I am going to be really lonely. There is a whole list of responses I get with the underlying theme that I am a selfish person and will grow up to be old and bitter. The only thing I have to say to all that is that I know a lot of amazing, loving, selfless people who chose not to have children. I know you think it is impossible, but it happens.

If you are just sitting and waiting for me to tell you my reasons, you are probably going to keep waiting because I don't really have any. Many women tell me that being a mother was their calling. They knew from a very young age that they were going to be a mother.

I didn't. 

My mother can tell you that from a very young age I have said that I wasn't going to have children. At best I said I would have World Vision children.

There have definitely been times in my life that I thought I would grow out of this. There is still the chance that I will change my mind. Of course there is always the chance that I will get pregnant regardless of my desires or efforts not to. I'm ok with that. If God wants me to have children I'm sure I will, and I will love them with all my heart and be eternally thankful for them. I'll tell them that it was never my plan to have children, but that I am so happy I did because they make my life richer every day.

I don't think less of women who choose to be mothers. I have the utmost respect for mothers. I still like to hang out with them. I don't feel like they are less of a person or that I could never possibly have anything in common with them. I don't resent them for bringing their kids along for lunch dates or shopping trips. Or when they have to ignore our conversation to pay attention to their child. I totally get it. I know that having lunch with me will take the backseat to making sure their child is feed and had their afternoon nap, or just having a good day in general.

I have been surrounded by children my entire life. I have over a dozen nieces and nephews, the first which was born when I was five and some which lived with my family at different times. I may not entirely know what being a mother is like, but I know what it is like to hang out with one and I enjoy it all the same.

I suppose the only thing I ask from the world is just not to judge me. I still strive to be a giving and loving person. I try not to judge the moms with the screaming kids in the grocery stores, because I have no idea what it is like to be in their shoes.

We don't all have the same calling. Yours may be to be a mother. Maybe mine isn't?