Friday, October 26, 2012

Keep on keepin' on

I'm taking a break from the bottomless pit that is my homework and studying to tell you guys that I'm still alive. There is such a hard balance that I am trying to find between life, rest, school, and blogging right now. Advice is more than welcome. There are so many of you out there that I truly look up to because you are so consistant with your posts, and yet you live full busy and crazy lives of your own, and somehow one doesn't seem to be effected by the other.

Ok, I don't look up to you just because you write posts all the time. I look up to you because somehow you continue to go from one day to the next living such busy lives and it doesn't seem to limit your ability to keep giving more. Maybe you are tired, maybe you have bad days, but that doesn't stop you from giving all you've got.

I have never been that person. If I'm overwhelmed I tend to drop everything that is on my plate. My list of priorities completely falls apart and I become completely focused on holding my head above water. I've always wanted to be the person that goes into a challenging situation with my head held high and unfazed by the chaos going on around me. The reality is that I go in with a determination, of which may not always be healthy. I go in expecting to be ripped to shreds and intent on hanging on for dear life.

I may be making this all sound a little flowery, but what I am trying to say is that prior to heading into a challenge I always assume that at some point things are going to get so hard that I am just going to give in and give up. Give up either on the task at hand or all the other priorities in my life. Including sleep. Then when things do get a little challenging, everything falls by the wayside, until I am forced to choose between succeeding in what I set out to do or having a life and being happy.

But I don't think it has to be this way.

I have to believe that there can be a happy medium. Between putting as much effort as I need to be successful into my work, and not having my life fall apart in the mean time. There must be some way to do this, because I see so many other people doing it. Without being utterly desperate for a break and without thinking that they may fail if they aren't constantly operating at the end of their rope.

I don't say any of this to make you think that my life is falling apart. At least not yet. I'm actually loving every bit of where I am at in my life. Things have gotten a bit hard at times...
( Like staying up until 1:30am studying before my midterm on monday morning, for which I had to get up for at 6am. There are countless times I considered skipping out on the rest of my classes after that early morning midterm, but somehow I stuck it out for the rest of my classes that day.)
but the benefits from my hard work are very much worth the effort. What I am saying is that, although things could be a lot worse, I am already giving up on some of my other commitments in order to keep myself sain. Such as this blog. And for that I hope you guys will forgive me. I'm trying to strike a balance.

The problem isn't necessarily the time it takes me to write a post, it is the guilt I feel for spending any amount of time away from either my homework/studying or quality time with my husband. And that is the part that I need to balance. Learning to be ok with taking a little bit of time to myself, without having this awful nagging in the back of my mind of all the things I should be doing.

How do you guys learn to take "me" time, without feeling guilty about all your other responsibilities?

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