Robinson Family sneak peak + some transparency

I had a lot of fun chasing around this little family today. Literally, I think I ran for the entire hour. But it was an honor.

Here is where things get real... I've been so hesitant to call myself a photographer for fear of seeming like a fraud.

There are so many talented photographers out there, I couldn't possibly measure up to their experience or expertise. One of my best friend's parents saw a few pictures I took of her daughter and from there work has sort of fallen into my lap. She hired me to take her son's senior pictures, then prom pictures, then gave away photo sessions with me as a gift to some of her friends. I have often wondered if this is where this little adventure is going to end, just being one family's personal photographer. I don't think that would be half bad. I've never set a price or even asked for money. In fact, I'm often prompt to say, "Sure, I'll take some pictures, but I'm not a professional." I always feel inadequate, but I do it anyway.

Then this week a stranger called me. She had gotten my number from a friend (one of the girls who got the baby shower gift), she had seen my work and wanted to book a session. I realized that I can either continue to say, "No, I'm not good enough" and try to talk people out of believing in me, or I can just accept that maybe there is something here. What that something is, I'm not sure, but I feel like this is an avenue worth exploring.

All this to say, this spring I will officially be launching a part time photography business. I feel like the part-time is an important part of that, since I have no plans on leaving my day job. I'm excited to see where this goes. Look for a new website soon. :)

Navy Blue and Natural Wood

Our bedroom has always been the most neglected room in our house. We have never taken the time to decorate or put up photos. But since we have moved (incase you didn't know, we moved back in May into a beautiful townhouse. We are loving it!) the rest of our house didn't really need a lot of attention. So I'm making it a priority to have a bedroom that I enjoy being in. Maybe that will help me keep up with the laundry?

We have been looking for a new dresser for awhile. Every time we visit ikea we consider buying one, but I am never able to bring myself to spend $350 on a dresser. Perhaps it is a completely reasonable price, but I am cheap. Insert this beauty:

A month or so ago Alex and I were on our way home when we spotted one of our neighbors having a garage sale. Long story short, we walked away with a dresser, painting, milk glass fruit bowl, and a golf club for 50 bucks. Such a steal!

We let it sit in our garage for awhile, trying to decide what we wanted to do. We were about to head to the store to buy white paint when I decided to Pinterest navy blue dressers. I came across this gorgeous piece of furniture art at SouthernRevivals.com. Please go look at her page, the transformation she did on this dresser is just phenomenal. Obviously ours is a completely different style, but I loved the color scheme.

via

 I'm not very good at distressing, nor do I think it would look well in our house. Not really our style. But I did want the natural wood look. So this is what we came up with.

I'm in love! We stripped the paint off the top two drawers and stained them with a dark dark walnut. It turned out just as good as I had hoped. We don't usually go with dark colors but this added such a great dynamic to the scheme of our room.

Here is one more before and after picture for good measure.

Have a wonderful week!

Automatic Focus

It's funny how much life changes. How a year ago I was one person and today I am someone new. The other day I spent a some time reading back through my old posts. It was fun to see what my thoughts were like at different times in my life. How passionate I was about some subject. The things I thought were funny. The things I felt inclined to share and those I didn't.

It really brought to light how much I have changed over time, and especially made me feel like I'm becoming a grown up. My thoughts and feelings have matured. I am less emotional about things and more logical (for the most part).

A few months ago I got a job, a grown up job. A career beginning job. I have a regular schedule. I am usually in bed by 9 or 9:30, and if I'm not I really pay for it the next day. I've started to make grown up choices, like paying my bills instead of buying new clothes. Every morning I get up, get ready, and head to work. After a solid 8 hours of working, I come home, head to the gym, eat dinner, and go to bed just to have it all begin again the next morning.

Twenty year old me hates who I have become. She hates the lack of adventure. The same thing day in and day out. She hates that I sold out for a career, in a field I never saw myself in. And the only thing I have to say to twenty year old me is that she was wrong. That along the way life changes, and having a life you never thought you wanted can be better than the one you imagined. It may look boring, but its actually peaceful. And peace is something I have definitely been missing in my life.

For the first time I think I know what contentment looks like. It doesn't mean my life is perfect, it means that I can rest for a little while. I can stop striving for something more than I have been given. There are certainly things I would change if I could. Relationships I would mend. Circumstances I would erase. But in this moment I don't have control over those things and I'm letting them go.

An itch...

It has been quite awhile since I've blogged. So long in fact that I'm not even sure how or where to begin. This post doesn't necessarily mean that I'm back to blogging. It means, I've missed writing. And the strangest part is that I've missed writing for an audience, even if that is only an audience of one or two family members. Every time something happens in my life, big or small, I want to write about it.

After several months of not posting I started to feel like it might be time to close that chapter of my life. To let my domain names expire and officially delete my blog. The primary reason why I haven't deleted it is basically just because it took effort.

There are so many things I don't miss about blogging. Like the pressure I put on myself to make it "successful", to have a lot of followers and dozens of page views every day. And after quitting my job almost 3 years ago, the goal was to try to make some money. It killed writing for me. I felt so anxious about it. When all I really ever wanted was a place to write sometimes and document pictures when and if I felt like posting them. My life became consumed with how good my outfits looked and whether we had a project going on. Every encounter became about how I could turn this into a compelling blog post. Once I got too busy for my blog I realized how silly and petty all of that was. I started to live my life based on what I enjoy and not based on what would make the best posts. After I stepped away I saw that shift from people reading blogs to people reading instagram feeds. I aaw all the comments about how they are annoyed when their favorite bloggers became advertisers in order to make a living from their blog. I saw bloggers switch from one platform to another to maintain their following. And I didn't miss it.

What I did miss was having a place to write when I have something to say. A place to share the very minimal projects that I still work on. Insta-blogging is not for me. Long winded facebook posts? No thanks. That is where blogging differs. People go to facebook and instagram to zone out, when people click on my blog they want to read what I have to say, and if they get bored, they leave. And what I'm left with is a place where I get to share what I want without being an annoying post they have to scroll past. If people want to read they can, and if they don't they won't.

That is why I have missed this, and that is why this blog still exists. Even with that desire to delete it, there is still some part of me that wants a place to write. And so, I might be back, and I might not. We'll see if I have more things to say.

New tradition | A Christmas failure

Alex and I started a new tradition yesterday, something we have wanted to do ever since we got married, but haven't been able to until this year.

Christmas chocolate chip scones for breakfast!

I made Alex chocolate chip scones one time before we started dating, and I think that was the day I won over his heart. This is his all time favorite recipe of mine, so I figured I had to make them as a treat for Christmas morning.

This recipe was put together from a mixture of other recipes I had found, plus one 'special' ingredient. Typically they turn out delicious... this year was an exception. I failed to follow my own recipe and used baking soda instead of baking powder, which apparently is a big no-no for flavor! Somehow, Alex claims he can't even tell the difference. Trust me, there is a difference, and it is unmistakeable. Hopefully I never mix those two up again!

Ingredients

3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

6 tbsp sugar

5 tsp baking powder

1 tsp salt

*2/3 cup honey butter, or sweet butter  

2 eggs

Mini chocolate chips

Half and half or evaporated milk

Vanilla

*You can still use regular butter, I just prefer using a sweet butter. It just adds an extra bit of flavor.

Directions

Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees. The mix flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Cut butter into mixture until it resembles fine crumbs. Stir in eggs, desired amount of chocolate chips, and a drop of vanilla. Slowly begin adding half and half, about a Tbsp at a time, only add enough to bring the dough off the sides of the bowl. Roll onto a well floured surface and cut into wedges. Brush with beaten egg, and sprinkle with sugar (if desired). Bake for 10-12 minutes or until golden brown.

Recipe yields 10-15 large scones. Dough can be stored in freezer up to 4 months.

I'm not an expert baker, or cook for that matter (obviously) but this is one recipe I am typically proud of. I'll just have to make a new good batch.

Hope everyone had a terrific holiday!

Today marks a mile stone for me. I photographed my first wedding! Throughout the events of the day, running around, sweat, tears, achey feet and unkept itineraries (isn't that always the case?), I couldn't help but wonder if this is the first and last, or first of many weddings I will be photographing. The answer I've come to is, I just don't know.

My respect for true professional, experienced photographers has grown by leaps and bounds. I've always tried to have an appreciation for the art, and certainly for those that are skilled in it. So many people like to call themselves photographers but lack the true talent needed, especially in an event situation. That is why I steer very clear of ever calling myself a photographer. I enjoy taking pictures, and even feel like I take good photos most of the time, but being a photographer is so much more than that. Anyone who has asked me to photograph their wedding (ok, there has been two thus far) has been told very clearly, "I am NOT a professional photographer!" I am willing to take pictures, but it is very important to me to never advertise myself as something more than I am.

I'm just a girl with a decently nice camera who enjoys photography.

I'm very aware, especially after today, of my strengths and weaknesses. I'm so sad to say that I missed some very important moments during this wedding. Due to complications with my camera, equipment, poor judgement of lighting, poor preparation and planning. Which is a very distinct difference between what I do and what a true professional photographer does. They are experienced. They know the moments like the back of their hand. They are poised and ready for those very special key moments that happen during a wedding, that pass by in the blink of an eye, literally! Their skill for capturing the precise moment when the grooms eyes meet the brides for the very first time. Those are things you have to anticipate far in advance.

Paul and Sue. Oh boy, this couple, they are so darling! I was called on Thursday about possibly doing their photos after their photographer had a last minute emergency. I was so nervous to say yes, fearing I wouldn't be the right fit, that I wouldn't get the photos needed or wanted. But this couple was so laid back and happy, they were fine with whatever I could do.

I was thanked numerous times today for stepping in at the last minute. But truly, from the bottom of my heart, I have to say thank you to the Udell and Anderson families! Today has blessed me so much more than you know. It was an honor and a privilege to photograph this wedding. Thank you thank you for your patients and kindness toward me today. It made my first wedding an overwhelmingly joyous experience, and has definitely calmed my nerves about the potential of doing more photography in the future.

Hopefully this post has not made anyone fearful to see the photos I've taken! I'm very happy to report that I got a very good amount of bright, clear beautiful photos! But like I said, some opportunities were missed, which I am so remorseful about.

Over the next few weeks I will be weeding through these 3000 photos (!!!!) and hope to share a handful of my absolute favorites soon. But for now just take in this photo of the beautiful Ceremony.

To Paul and Sue, I wish you all the joy in the world for this journey you have just begun with each other. Your faith in both God and each other was touching and was felt throughout your wedding. From the small amount of time I was able to spend with your family, I have seen that you have an outstanding support system! I'm so excited for you!

A mental pause

For months now I've been telling myself I need to sit down and write. To tell you guys what is going on in my life. To get all of the millions of thoughts out on paper. But I just haven't taken the time to do it.

I remember when I started this new blog I thought, "I'm going to keep this blog focused and simple. I don't want to blog about all those millions of things that I used to blog about." And then after cutting out all of the "me" part of blogging I realized how much I actually just love to write. Mostly just because I get so bogged down with thoughts and emotions that if I don't take a second to write about it it will plague me for weeks.

To be honest I've actually written quite a bit lately. I just haven't felt the need to share those things. Like when we lost our kitty back in November. That was a painful time. I had about 18 million emotions and guilts and yadda yadda that I had to get out. Once it was out of me I felt so much freedom and healing from that. So I decided to start sharing some parts of me that I've kept out of this blog recently. Mostly because that is just what my life is right now. I'm not full of DIY projects or fashion posts. I'm mostly just living my life and going through all of the emotions that come with it.

If you get to know me you'll find out that I'm a pretty emotional person. I cry all the time. For a long time I tried to hide that fact about myself. It made me feel so out of control and weak. Recently I sort of came to terms with that part of myself and I'm trying not to hold that back from everyone in my life.

I remember I saw a counselor back in college (well, my first time in college) for a phase of depression I was going through. They prescribed me some anti-depressants and were asking me about some of the symptoms that I experience that we could monitor to ensure they were working properly. "Is this crying a normal thing?" Looking back I think I just took that question and began to use it to analyze my emotional health on my own. "Crap, I'm crying again, I must be depressed." But in reality I think I just needed to learn to understand where those emotions were coming from and how to let them out in a healthy way. Instead of simply medicating them.

Anyways, this post was really just to say that I hope to begin to share a little more with you guys as I find time to sit down and write. It may not be glamorous or maybe even all that interesting, but I feel the need to share a few things.

(( Oh and for those of you (ahem*Kayla) who wanted to know more about the Influence conference, I do plan to share. I even have photos that are still sitting on my memory card. There was so much I had to process through after the event that for awhile I couldn't figure out how to put it into words. But I suppose it is time I sit down and do that. ))