Goodbye forever, Or just for awhile?

I know it has been a long time since I wrote a post. And even worse, in my last post I stated that I would have a little vlog up for you guys like a week and a half ago. Clearly that hasn't happened. Somehow I always forget my little rule of never making any promises because as soon as I make the promise, I never follow through (at least here in blog land).

Anyways, I'm writing this post to say one thing and one thing only. I've decided to take a break from blogging.

I would like to claim the excuse that my life has just been too busy for me to keep up with this, but that is just not true. To be honest, I just don't feel any motivation right now. Every day that goes by that I don't write a word I feel an unreasonable amount of guilt. And I don't like that. That is why I decided to take a break, because at least if I tell you guys this is happening, I don't have to feel guilty.

I'm not saying I'm going to be gone forever. I'm also not not saying that. (Double negative, figure it out.) As of right now I plan to start back up in December... but I'm not going to give myself a timeline. I just need to take a step back and reevaluate why I am doing this. What do I want this blog to accomplish? Do I just want to gain a bunch of followers so I can feel good about myself? Do I want to try to be inspiring? If so, what does that even look like? Is this really a place where I can accomplish those things?

Everything in my life feels a little bit unorganized right now and I just need to try to figure out a routine. My life has taken a lot of turns over the past few months. Nearly everything is new to me and I just feel like I am sinking in a bottomless pit of chaos. Not because there is too much, but just because I have let everything fall into it's own place.

It's like when my room gets messy and it drives me crazy, but I feel too overwhelmed to clean anything, so I just let it all pile up until it makes my whole life feel like it is going to come crashing down around me and I am helpless to stop it. That sounds rather dramatic, but that is really what happens to me. I need things to be organized and planned out, and when they aren't I feel confused and helpless. Even though in reality I have everything I need to fix the situation.

So that is what I'm doing. I'm taking this time to figure out what I want. To organize my life a bit. To set some goals and put in to place some structure. In all areas of my life, not just this one. And usually cleaning means making a mess bigger before it gets better.

Ok, I've said a lot more than one thing. So with that I am out of here. More likely than not, I'll be back. Because regardless of why I come to this little world, I just haven't figured out how to keep myself away.

My first vlog, and three years of marriage

Hey everyone! Here I am with the first vlog of my life. Not sure how I feel about this, but I'm posting it anyways. I feel like my face is a little weird looking, but whatever. Maybe I will have to start learning how to be more videogenic too? Also, I hate how my voice sounds completely different when I hear it recorded than it does in my head. You guys know what I'm talking about, right?

Anyways, this does not have any answers to questions about marriage. We left our camera and tripod at home on accident, which is what we were going to do the vlog with, so I decided that I will do that vlog later. I will try to post it on monday so you guys can keep sending us questions if you have anything you would like us to answer. I got some good ones already so I'm excited! They don't have to be advice about marriage or dating, you can just ask us stuff about anything you are curious about our relationship or our life in general.


Now you enjoy this video, while I start working on some homework in the most comfortable bed of my life! Then we can start celebrating our three amazing years of marriage!! Yay!

first vlog from Tanya on Vimeo.

Time flies when you're having fun!

Photo's by Zach Grasley

Tomorrow is mine and Alex's 3 year wedding anniversary!

Wow, I can't believe it's been three years!

I feel like after three years you are officially no longer newlyweds.

You've already been through a lot of ups and downs of life.

You've had time to figure each other out and learn a bit about your roles as a husband and wife.

Do we know everything and are perfect because we have been married for three years?

Not a chance.

Do we know a lot more than we did three years ago?

Absolutely!

Do we still need to work on having a healthy relationship?
Every. single. day.

As a little treat for you guys, I've decided to do my first vlog!

And an extra little treat is that Alex will be joining me for this first vlog of mine.

I'm excited!

We will be answering some FAQ's about married life and some things we have focused on to maintain a healthy relationship, as well as some of our life long goals to make sure we can continue to thrive as a couple.

If you have any specific questions you'd like us to answer leave a comment or email me! 

Just remember that we aren't perfect! We do not at all have all the answers, we are just learning as we go, and thought it would be fun to share some of the experiences we have had with other people.

Hopefully we will have this little vlog up for you tomorrow, but forgive me if it doesn't get posted until monday. After all it is our anniversary, and we will be out celebrating! 

Photo's by Zach Grasley

Keep on keepin' on

I'm taking a break from the bottomless pit that is my homework and studying to tell you guys that I'm still alive. There is such a hard balance that I am trying to find between life, rest, school, and blogging right now. Advice is more than welcome. There are so many of you out there that I truly look up to because you are so consistant with your posts, and yet you live full busy and crazy lives of your own, and somehow one doesn't seem to be effected by the other.

Ok, I don't look up to you just because you write posts all the time. I look up to you because somehow you continue to go from one day to the next living such busy lives and it doesn't seem to limit your ability to keep giving more. Maybe you are tired, maybe you have bad days, but that doesn't stop you from giving all you've got.

I have never been that person. If I'm overwhelmed I tend to drop everything that is on my plate. My list of priorities completely falls apart and I become completely focused on holding my head above water. I've always wanted to be the person that goes into a challenging situation with my head held high and unfazed by the chaos going on around me. The reality is that I go in with a determination, of which may not always be healthy. I go in expecting to be ripped to shreds and intent on hanging on for dear life.

I may be making this all sound a little flowery, but what I am trying to say is that prior to heading into a challenge I always assume that at some point things are going to get so hard that I am just going to give in and give up. Give up either on the task at hand or all the other priorities in my life. Including sleep. Then when things do get a little challenging, everything falls by the wayside, until I am forced to choose between succeeding in what I set out to do or having a life and being happy.

But I don't think it has to be this way.

I have to believe that there can be a happy medium. Between putting as much effort as I need to be successful into my work, and not having my life fall apart in the mean time. There must be some way to do this, because I see so many other people doing it. Without being utterly desperate for a break and without thinking that they may fail if they aren't constantly operating at the end of their rope.

I don't say any of this to make you think that my life is falling apart. At least not yet. I'm actually loving every bit of where I am at in my life. Things have gotten a bit hard at times...

( Like staying up until 1:30am studying before my midterm on monday morning, for which I had to get up for at 6am. There are countless times I considered skipping out on the rest of my classes after that early morning midterm, but somehow I stuck it out for the rest of my classes that day.)

but the benefits from my hard work are very much worth the effort. What I am saying is that, although things could be a lot worse, I am already giving up on some of my other commitments in order to keep myself sain. Such as this blog. And for that I hope you guys will forgive me. I'm trying to strike a balance.

The problem isn't necessarily the time it takes me to write a post, it is the guilt I feel for spending any amount of time away from either my homework/studying or quality time with my husband. And that is the part that I need to balance. Learning to be ok with taking a little bit of time to myself, without having this awful nagging in the back of my mind of all the things I should be doing.

How do you guys learn to take "me" time, without feeling guilty about all your other responsibilities?

How to annoy your husband :)

Yay! I'm writing my second post for the week! I'm so proud of myself.

Yep... life is crazy.

And here is what it has looked like recently via my Instagram:

napping

Meeting my friends adorable kitten!!

A girls night! (Sara got cut out!! She is adorable so you really are missing out.)

More girls night.

My niece asked me to be one of her bridesmaids!

Rain.... no surprise there.

Nail date with my sisters and the most adorable niece ever!

Our nails :)

Like I said most adorable niece ever!

And me, annoying the crap out of Alex while I sing along to my music while doing my homework :)

^^This was really happening.

Since the beginning of this term we have discovered that I may be an external processor. Typically while working on my chemistry equations I find myself making up songs about them... it goes something like this,

6.022 x 10^23.... the 23rd.... the 23rrrrrddddd moooolllleeeessss of Siiiillllvvvveeeerrr

times, times, times, times

11 mollleeessss of siiiillllvvvvveeeerrrr

eeeeqqqqquuuuaaallllsss..

Ok, I completely made that one up on the spot, but you catch my drift. 

But this is really helping me study, I decided during my next midterm (just had my first one last night!) I'm going to sing about all the calculations I do, and I will for sure get an A!

And kicked out of my test.

which would lead to an F.... Hmmm

Plan B. Sing in my head, and dance.

Yes!

Alright, I gonna go have some down time, sipping on my nice warm cup of earl grey tea and catch up on the New Girl!

And then back to homework so I can have another girls night!!

Have a great weekend friends!

Linking up with:

Where I've been

This is what I looked like when Alex came home from work yesterday.

It might seem like I am sleeping,

but in reality I am just thinking really hard about my epidemiology paper.

I promise....

It was actually a paper for my public health class about epidemiology, but I just feel like it sounds smarter to say epidemiology paper.

Anyways,

 I know I was MIA all last week, for which I apologize for. School has been kicking my booty. 

Which is great, I wanted a challenge. I just forget that challenges can actually be... challenging.

And since I have nothing good to write about today, I will leave you with these three completely random pictures. The last one is my favorite.

I got that blue dress at a garage sale for a dollar. Yep, $1.

My baby, Bret.

See you later folks! Hopefully I find something good to write about soon.

Which would probably be a little easier if I actually starting thinking of things to write about.

How to be more photogenic

For those of you coming over from Nicole's blog, thanks for stopping by! I'm excited to see you here in my neck of the woods.

For everyone else, I am guest posting over at The Tape Diaries today all about how to be a little more photogenic. I've learned a lot about this ever since I started taking pictures for fashion posts. Looking good is not an easy task, let me tell you! It takes hard work. So, if you are tired of always being annoyed because your pictures don't turn out quite the way you have pictured them, head on over to Nicole's blog and where I am sharing a few of my secrets!