Time flies when you're having fun!

Photo's by Zach Grasley

Tomorrow is mine and Alex's 3 year wedding anniversary!

Wow, I can't believe it's been three years!

I feel like after three years you are officially no longer newlyweds.

You've already been through a lot of ups and downs of life.

You've had time to figure each other out and learn a bit about your roles as a husband and wife.

Do we know everything and are perfect because we have been married for three years?

Not a chance.

Do we know a lot more than we did three years ago?

Absolutely!

Do we still need to work on having a healthy relationship?
Every. single. day.

As a little treat for you guys, I've decided to do my first vlog!

And an extra little treat is that Alex will be joining me for this first vlog of mine.

I'm excited!

We will be answering some FAQ's about married life and some things we have focused on to maintain a healthy relationship, as well as some of our life long goals to make sure we can continue to thrive as a couple.

If you have any specific questions you'd like us to answer leave a comment or email me! 

Just remember that we aren't perfect! We do not at all have all the answers, we are just learning as we go, and thought it would be fun to share some of the experiences we have had with other people.

Hopefully we will have this little vlog up for you tomorrow, but forgive me if it doesn't get posted until monday. After all it is our anniversary, and we will be out celebrating! 

Photo's by Zach Grasley

How to annoy your husband :)

Yay! I'm writing my second post for the week! I'm so proud of myself.

Yep... life is crazy.

And here is what it has looked like recently via my Instagram:

napping

Meeting my friends adorable kitten!!

A girls night! (Sara got cut out!! She is adorable so you really are missing out.)

More girls night.

My niece asked me to be one of her bridesmaids!

Rain.... no surprise there.

Nail date with my sisters and the most adorable niece ever!

Our nails :)

Like I said most adorable niece ever!

And me, annoying the crap out of Alex while I sing along to my music while doing my homework :)

^^This was really happening.

Since the beginning of this term we have discovered that I may be an external processor. Typically while working on my chemistry equations I find myself making up songs about them... it goes something like this,

6.022 x 10^23.... the 23rd.... the 23rrrrrddddd moooolllleeeessss of Siiiillllvvvveeeerrr

times, times, times, times

11 mollleeessss of siiiillllvvvvveeeerrrr

eeeeqqqqquuuuaaallllsss..

Ok, I completely made that one up on the spot, but you catch my drift. 

But this is really helping me study, I decided during my next midterm (just had my first one last night!) I'm going to sing about all the calculations I do, and I will for sure get an A!

And kicked out of my test.

which would lead to an F.... Hmmm

Plan B. Sing in my head, and dance.

Yes!

Alright, I gonna go have some down time, sipping on my nice warm cup of earl grey tea and catch up on the New Girl!

And then back to homework so I can have another girls night!!

Have a great weekend friends!

Linking up with:

The finale, Our {love} story, part 6!

I can't believe this has been a 6 part series, but like I said, everything took awhile to lead up to the actual date. If you missed any of the first 5 stories, here they are! {part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5}.


So yesterday I left of with Alex considering asking me out early.


When I got wind of this, I was so excited! I thought for sure that my long wait was over and I was finally going to be able to be with the guy that I had been waiting for. I had another meeting with my mentor (which we usually did about once a month or every other week, depending on what was going on) and she informed me all about what was going on.

By the way, I know that this was a little unconventional, having mentors help us with our decisions and all. We just felt that they were older and wiser and could give us a good outside perspective. Alex and I were completely caught up in our emotions, and had we been left to our own devices we could have made a lot of rash decisions. We chose to go to them for their guidance, not because we were forced to, just because we thought they would know a smart decision better than we would. This was extremely helpful for us, and Jason and Cassandra were a perfect match for us and our life style.

 So there I was, extremely excited because I thought maybe Alex and I would start dating an extra two months early. When I talked to Cassandra, I found out that Alex had been talking with Jason (the director of the school and Cassandra's husband) to help him decide if he should just forget about our 9 month commitment and just ask me out early. Cassandra told me that Alex had gone to Jason and was in complete agony from waiting so long. His feelings had grown ten fold since we had made our initial decision. He told Jason that this was the real deal, he wanted to date me because he knew that he wanted to marry me.

When Cassandra told me all this I was completely floored. I knew how I felt about him, but I had no idea that he felt the same way! I was so shocked, and again, this was just a confirmation for me. I was supposed to be with this man. This was the guy I was going to marry. People tried to reason with me, "You haven't even dated yet, you don't know if this is going to work out, how can you know that you are going to marry him? You guys don't even talk about your feelings!" I can't explain how I knew, I just did. I felt complete confirmation in my heart and in my spirit.

You can call me crazy all you want, but the truth is that I did end up marrying this guy.


After Alex told Jason how strongly he was feeling for me, they left that meeting without any decisions being made one way or the other. They both decided that they would pray about it and meet again to see what they felt was the right thing to do. Then Cassandra told me that Alex had gone back to meet with Jason early with a decision of his own.

All on his own, Alex decided that he was going to keep our commitment. As much as he wanted to date now he decided that he wanted to wait. Although, instead of our first date being on January 1st, he changed it to December 31st, so he could take me out on New Year's Eve.

When Cassandra told me all this, I had a wide range of emotions. I was a bit disappointed for sure. Because I was tired of waiting. I just wanted to be with him. But at the same time, I completely respected the decision he had made. I felt like this was the very first time a guy had shown me complete and utter respect and made a real mature decision to put me first.

I know this all sounds a little crazy, why would I care so much when I had never really dated this guy? The truth is I don't really know why I felt so strongly. I guess you can only really understand if you are in the situation.

You know the feeling that you have when you first start seeing someone? You don't really know if they are interested because you haven't had the talk but you know that you are definitely interested in them. You wait patiently (and sometimes not so patiently) for them to make a move, to pursue you, to show that you are the one that they want to be with. That is what it was like. Only that didn't last a few weeks, or even a few months. That lasted an entire year and a half. There was constant suspense and mystery. And had it been any other guy I probably would have lost interest, but it was Alex.

We have a connection that I have never had with anyone else. Even in the very beginning he made me laugh hysterically. I've had boyfriends that I could be silly with and have fun and make stupid jokes, but not until I felt secure in a relationship with them. With Alex, we were silly together immediately. We were always doing stupid things, like trying to do ice skating lifts in the middle of our church hallway, or pretend to be boxing. I'm pretty sure every person around us was tired of our incessant flirting, if you can call it flirting. When school started the next year we were closer than ever. We really had become best friends. And we were so weird. We would make animal noises at each other from across the room. We would talk for hours and hours whenever we could steal some time together. No matter how often, or how little we spent time together, the connection we had made was deep and long lasting.

He truly had become my best friend.

That following Halloween Alex and I ended up working a shift together at my store with one of my other co-workers/friends. We all decided to dress up together. We tried to figure out a good costume for three people and came up with some crazy idea of dressing up as "Stop, drop, and roll" like the saying, but we took the words literally.

I know that Alex's costume probably doesn't make much sense to the outside world, but he was dressed as a giant tip drop bag. Which at Starbucks was what we "dropped" our tips in at the end of the night to put them in the safe. If you have ever worked at Starbucks, I'm sure you will catch the reference. Also, I was a "roll", as in a dinner roll!

Anyways, we just had a ton of fun together. Whether it was just the two of us or we were with a crowd of people, we were always drawn to each other and we were always being crazy and having a good time.

Many people tell me that we were already dating. Which depending on your definition of dating, I suppose you can choose to see it that way. We did like each other, and by our actions it was pretty obvious, but we still hadn't talked about it. In every way I wanted him to be my "boyfriend" but I knew I had to wait for him to make the first move.

As time went on we started to do some of the more obvious and normal things that people do before they date. For instance, Alex texted me later one night after I had gone out dancing with some friends and told me how beautiful I looked. I remember other times where I would be at work, checking my phone every few minutes to see if I had received any text messages from him because we would be having long texting conversations, that sometimes hinted at our feelings for each other.

It was amazing.

Then December rolled around. I was so full of emotions that I'm surprised I didn't burst into tears every five minutes. I was absolutely giddy! I only had a month left to go.

Then one day there were rumors of a huge snow storm that was coming. We never really know if we should believe that there is actually going to be a snow storm. Because, we pretty much only get them like once every 4 years, but the weather forecasters probably predict about 5 a year. So we never know what to believe.

Anyways, on this one particular day, while there was absolutely no snow on the ground but tons of rumors that we were supposed to have a foot of snow on the ground by the end of the day, Alex started to "get worried" about me driving myself to work. He told me that he wanted to take me to work that day, just incase anything happened. I thought he was pretty crazy, since there literally was not even a hint that snow was coming, but I let him take me anyways. How could I pass up an opportunity to spend more time with him? Sure enough, I ended up having to close down our store early because there was a decent foot of snow on the ground! Which honestly never happens here. The worst part is that no one knows how to drive in the snow here in Oregon, because it snows so little.

So there I was, stuck at work, waiting for Alex to come rescue me. He came with some other girls that lived in the apartment next to him, that were also going to Life School. All of our houses were on top of huge hills and none of us could get home, so we all ended up staying the night in Alex's parent's house. There was about five of us there. It was pretty fun, his mom brought out lots of baby pictures of Alex, and I found out that he was probably the chubbiest baby that I have ever seen! We drank hot chocolate, ate freshly baked bread, and we all had a fun time.

Over that next week the snow stayed on the ground, which again is abnormal for these parts of Oregon. Alex and I used this as an excuse to stay together as much as possible. I ended up staying several nights in the apartment next door to his with some of my friends. When I had to work, Alex would take me, and when we both had the day off we would spend the whole day together, which was something that we had never allowed ourselves to do before. One day we spent the entire day at his apartment watching old Tom Cruise movies and hanging out.

There were no moves being made during that time, we just hung out.

It wasn't until a few days later, on December 20th, that all of our feelings and time that we had spent together caught up with us. Him and his friends planned an all day Star Wars marathon, that I was invited to (I have told you guys before, that we are nerds). Everything went down hill from there.

While we were watching the first movie, Alex was sitting on the floor, while I sat on the couch next to him. He moved closer and closer so his arm ended up touching my leg... so scandalous! (Side note: we pretty much never touched before, not even to give each other hugs or anything.) Eventually his hand made it's way closer and closer to my foot, and soon enough he was rubbing my foot with his hand, and then eventually, he was just holding my foot. Cheesy, I know.

It was all over from there.

While this marathon was going on, it had started to snow again and it was really starting to pile up. Halfway through we went from Alex's parents house (where we were having the marathon) to another person's parents house. 

We drove over to that house, not saying a word to each other. We didn't talk about what had happened, though we both were wondering what it had meant. We weren't supposed to start dating for another 11 days! What did all this foot holding mean? Should we start dating sooner? Neither of us knew.

As soon as we sat down on the couch at the other house, we were holding hands. It was like a magnet. I'm pretty sure we both sat there for a few minutes with our eyes open wide staring at the TV. Millions and millions of questions running through our heads.

After another 1 and a half movie we decided that we should probably talk. So we went on a walk. By this time the snow had piled up again, and it was raining... freezing rain. We don't always get snow in these parts, but we do get lots of ice. And this year was no exception. On top of the nearing foot of snow that was on the ground, we got a nice thick layer of ice. And this is what we had chosen to go for a walk in.

I could draw out this story much longer, but I will just say that on that walk, covered in ice, we decided to start officially dating. After a year and a half of liking each other, we were finally able to be together. We walked for nearly an hour, and by the time we were done, our jackets were sheets of ice and Alex's beard had icicles hanging down it. It was fun, and even romantic.

Ever since that day we have been inseparable. 

We still talk for hours. We are still unbelievably silly together. We still make animal noises and goggly eyes at each other from across the room. We are still crazy about each other. And as much as I thought that my feelings for him couldn't get any stronger, they have only grown a million times over since that first "date" of ours.

On New Year's Eve Alex planned a very special date for us. I was sent on a little scavenger hunt where I ended up in a park where he met me and took me to a little green room where dinner and a movie waited for me. And for the first time he told me that he loved me.

Six months after we started dating, we got engaged, and about 4 and a half months after that we were married. 

People thought it happened really fast, but the truth was, we already knew we were going to marry each other long before we ever started dating. If we were already certain that was the direction of our relationship, why wait?

Like I've said in a previous post, I don't regret marrying him as quickly as I did. My only wish is that people could have been more accepting of it, and realized that a lot happened between the time we met and the day we got married. We were ready to be fully committed to each other.

Ultimately, marriage is not about being perfect for each other, it is about being fully committed to each other. It is about working out your differences at any cost, because you value your marriage far more than you value being right or getting your own way.

If you actually stuck it out and read all of this story, thanks for reading! I know it was long, but it is our story.

Marriage, lessons learned

Photography by ZenRG Photography

Back on June 15th I said it was my two year blogging anniversary!
The very first post I wrote was not about why I decided to start blogging, or what my blog was going to be about. Nope, I jumped head first into it with some of the things I had learned as a newlywed. That was 8 months into our marriage. I still didn't have much figured out, but I did learn a lot about the pressure that had been put on me as a wife. And not only as a wife, but a Christian wife! As you will soon find out from our love story [part 1, part 2, part 3] Alex and I did not have a typical relationship.
We didn't meet, start dating, fall in love, two years later get engaged, and a year after that get married, like it seems so many had expected of us.

Nope... for us it went much differently. Once we started dating, which was quite awhile after we first met, our relationship progressed very quickly. We were engaged within 6 months and married 4 and a half months after that. And for us, I think that the timing was perfect.

Honestly, the only things that I regret are 1) that I didn't stand up for myself and what I wanted our wedding to be like, and 2) that it seems that our wedding caused so much strain in the relationships around us. We had to fight tooth and nail on almost every issue that pertained to our wedding, whether it was the date, time, place, what food we served (or didn't serve), what kind of cake we got, what kind of dance we did, if we had a "cut the cake" portion.... blah blah blah. The list goes on. I say all this because when I wrote my very first post I was chalk full of pent up anger, frustration, and a bit of resentment. I was tired of everyone telling us how and when to live our lives. And then, after everything was all said and done, I felt as though everyone sort of abandoned us. I felt the waiting and watching to see if we had truly made the right decision or not. To see if our marriage was going to quickly fall apart. It was frustrating to say the least. Especially after all our friends and family seeing exactly what we had gone through to be together (which you guys will learn about soon).


Well, here I am two years later and I feel like some of that "waiting and watching" has stopped. Maybe after almost 3 years of marriage people have finally accepted that we might actually be happy? 

ZenRG Photography

Here are some of the things I have had to learn, after I realized that regardless of what everyone else says or does, this is still my marriage. We still have to work through the hard issues together, and putting up fronts and pretending like life is perfect so people will get off our back does not solve our real life problems.

1) I am so selfish. Sometimes in marriage, we have to give up the things we love for the things they love. And boy, am I bad at this one. It might help if he wasn't so willing to do whatever I wanted to do. He lets me get away with far too much stuff! I wish that I was more loving and gracious and sacrificed to do some of the things he loves more often.

2) We don't have a perfect marriage. Sometimes people comment (IRL) about how in love we are or how happy we seem or that we look like the perfect couple. But we aren't. I don't really think anyone is. I promise you that we have had some bumps in the road. And I don't mean about who is going to do the dishes. We have had some real heartbreaking struggles. But, at the end of the day, he is still my husband. I still love him no matter what. I still know that I couldn't live without him. No matter what mistakes he makes, or I make, we still make each other better people. He is still my best friend and the only person that I have ever been able to trust my whole heart with.

And to be 100% honest sometimes I lean too much on my trust in Alex, and not enough on my trust in God.

3) He becomes the punching bag of my frustrations far too often. I learned a lot about this during some counseling sessions that I just went through. When I get angry or frustrated, I take it out on him, even when it has nothing to do with him. He will do the slightest thing wrong, but because I am mad at so-and-so for saying who-knows-what he gets the bum end of the deal. After I went to counseling I've started to learn that he is really my support system, and I need to treat him as such. I need to lean on him and allow him to be my support, because he is pretty good at it.

4) Sometimes I just need to keep my mouth shut. Like when he is driving. Enough said, right?

5) Alone time is still important. It's funny now that I'm not in school anymore and I am only working 20 hours, it almost feels like we have too much time together. I never thought there was such a thing. Sometimes we just need a little bit of time apart. A time to go to a coffee shop by myself. Reminding myself that I can still be an independent person within an interdependent relationship. It isn't that I don't love to be around him, but I've really learned to value my alone time, as well as his. We both come back refreshed from having a bit of time to ourselves.


Obviously there are so many other important lessons I have learned, but I think that these are ones that I have to work on daily. Marriage has been one of the best experiences of my life. It didn't take long before I started to see so many thing in myself that I needed to work on to be a better wife, and just a more caring and loving person in general. I still have a long ways to go. I'm never going to be perfect. But hopefully I will improve somewhere along the way.

If you are married, what are some things that you have learned about marriage?

Our {love} story: part 3

I'd say it's probably about time to finish this love story that I started back in May. Now that I have time to write the story myself, and Alex already wrote out all of his half, I will just include both sides. I'd love to have him write it, I just can't bring myself to only let you guys in on half of the story.

{Incase you have missed any of this story

 please check out

part 1 & part 2}

A key thing that you need to keep in mind while reading this, is that there were only 3 times when Alex and I had actually talked about our feelings with each other!

1st     when we were out for coffee, which Alex told you about in the first part of our story.

2nd    a few months later, when we chose not to date... we will get to that ;)

3rd     when we actually started dating.

All this meaning, that we allowed our feelings for each other to develop naturally. We weren't constantly reassuring each other how much we liked each other. Which was the hardest part!!


Well, let's get on with the story...

******************************

My side: Beginning Life School

So, there I was, a brand new face in a church where I knew almost no one. To say that I was scared, and a bit intimidated, was an understatement. I felt like such an outsider, and I literally had not a clue what I was getting myself into.

Something you may or may not be able to tell about me from my blog is that, I'm pretty quiet. Very quiet. This isn't really something that I brag about. It is actually part of my personality that kind of annoys me. I feel like I often have a lot to say, but sometimes I'm just not given an opportunity to speak. I'm sure we have all run into the kind of people who don't allow anyone else to get a word in. They just talk and talk and talk... and if you have something to say you have to interrupt them, or just wait for them to finish talking so you can say something, but half the time once you get a chance to say something it isn't even relevant anymore because they have talked for so long (I'm aware of the run on sentence). Well... I find myself surrounded by those kinds of people ALL. THE. TIME.

It's frustrating. I feel like I can never speak my mind. Maybe if I was louder I would try to talk over them. But I'm not. Sometimes this makes being the new girl really tough. I just don't know what to say. So I just stand/sit there. Awkwardly.

The first time I met Alex I was sitting in the hall of the church waiting to have an interview with the director of the school to see if I could come. After sitting there for awhile, not sure what to think, Alex walked in. The only thing he did was stare at me. Him and another student sat in the chairs across from me both looking at me like who the heck is this girl? but none of us saying a single word.

That was probably one of the more awkward moments of my life. 

I remember seeing Alex and not thinking much of it. I wondered what he was like. I wondered if he was going to say hi to this stranger sitting in his church hallway.

Then I got called in to talk with the director. Long story short, they accepted me into the school. Attending this school was probably the most rash decision I have ever made. Someone had told me a very little bit about it. I didn't want to go. Then one day I decided I wanted to go. I went in, applied, got accepted and left for "boot camp" all in one week. Everyone else had applied months before.

A few days later I packed up my bags and headed out to the church to go to "Launch Week" which was sort of a boot camp style retreat. That is when I saw Alex for the second time. He was leaning against one of the church buildings when I came up with all my bags, completely unsure of myself and second guessing my decision to attend. I remember thinking that he was kind of cute. I actually remember sizing up all the guys and thinking that Alex was the one that I was the most attracted to. 

I tried to mingle a bit. But I felt awkward. Most of these people knew each other for years, and all of them were regular attenders of the church. I did have one "friend" that was attending this school. I'm not sure if we could really be considered friends at the time, more like acquaintances. We both had worked at Starbucks, and had met each other at a party the year before. Neither of us having any clue that the other was attending this school. Her name was Aly. And I soon found out that she was actually Alex's cousin. 

During that first hour of waiting to board the bus, I was constantly aware of Alex. Still standing against the wall. Still eyeing me strangely. I wondered if he was ever going to say hi to me, or introduce himself.

But he never did. 

I pretty much hung out with Aly for most of the week, every once in awhile Alex would talk with her... and look at me, saying a few words here and there. Thinking back, I'm not even totally sure what I thought of him. He was a little awkward. A little nerdy. His clothes were far too tight. I wasn't in love with his hair (long and shaggy). But somehow, I was just drawn to him. I remember several times throughout that week when we just had some sort of connection. Not the kind where we talk for hours and hours. It was the kind where we would catch each others eye from across the room. 

I knew instantly that I had a crush on this guy, but since I had just gotten out of a relationship and I hadn't come to this school to meet anyone, I tried to ignore it. Then Alex started hanging out with one of the other girls. Honestly, I was pretty jealous of this other girl. She was beautiful, athletic, a total package, that I could never compete with. I had resolved that this was for the best and I ignored him. {Plus, I hate to admit it, but I was totally a game player. I knew the more I ignored him the more intrigued he might become.}

And so things went for a little while. I made other friends and just tried to focus on why I came to this school, to have a better relationship with God.

When we had come back from launch week I moved into the "dorm" with three other girls, which was really just a modular building on the church property.

My roommate Nikki!

I quickly started a friendship with one of Alex's roommates. Since their apartment was right across the street from the "dorm" I would spend a lot of time there hanging out and talking with the guys. This was something I was more comfortable with, being surrounded by guys. I just found it easier to be myself with them. With girls I felt so much pressure to live up to some sort of self imposed standard, but with the guys it was more laid back. Sometimes my roommates did come with me and we all had a lot of fun over there.

No matter the friendship that I formed with any of Alex's roommates, there was still an undeniable connection between him and I. I always longed for him to spend more time with us, but he was stand-off-ish and often opted to go to bed early whenever I was around. However, there was the occasional times when he would be a gentlemen and walk me back to my door. Which often led to us standing outside my door talking for far too long.

Nothing exciting happend, nothing that let me know that he was in anyway interested in me (other than my own suspicion) until that Halloween. His roommates had a party that me and my roommates went to. I don't remember much about that night, other than sitting on the couch with Alex talking, for hours. He was flirty. He was awkward. He would punch my arm or try to tickle me. I was pretty sure he liked me.

Alex on Halloween

After that night we spent a lot of time flirting. Everyone but us could tell that we had a thing for each other. Even our teachers would comment. At this point in time everyone decided they needed to warn me about Alex. I heard all kinds of stuff about how he was a big "player" and he was always looking for a girlfriend. I heard about all the different girls within the church that he had crushes on at one time or another. With all this information I tried to deny my feelings for him. I tried to pretend like I wasn't "falling" for his "game".

I remember one of my friends asking me if I liked him and I flat out denied it and told her that Alex was like a brother to me. I even told him that to his face once... NOT a good idea! Ladies, if you like a guy, do not say they are like a brother to you. No matter how much you want to pretend you don't like them.

But the truth was, we were bonding. We were building a really deep friendship. And I was smitten with him. I couldn't help it and I couldn't explain it. I didn't even know why I liked him, all I knew was that I did. Regardless of all the warnings everyone had given me. Regardless of how awkward and completely uncharming he was... I couldn't stop thinking about him. I couldn't help but try to sit next to him in class, or strike up a meaningless conversation, or just be near him. I had fun with him. He was different. He was funny. He was nothing like any guy I had ever met before. And he was SO SOOOO not smooth. [Sorry babe, you really can't deny it.]

This was awhile later, much different style!

I slowly let a couple of my friends in on my [not so] secret crush. They were by no means surprised when I told them. My friend Nikki was probably the most supportive. Which is why, when all of us got invited to a holiday party, she was the one encouraging me to ask Alex to go.

Which I did. In a text message, of course. It went something like this,

me: Hey, do you want to ride with me and Nikki to the party tomorrow? 

Alex: Sure, I'll drive.
me: cool

Thrilling conversation, I know. None-the-less, I was as excited as I could be, and knew that I had to look my best. Electric blue dress, 4 inch red heels. I was set! Since Alex already told you all about this party and how we got our lovely "marriage bears" as they are referred to, I wont go into more detail. But just know, that I'm pretty sure that was the single most embarrassing moment of my life.

After that whole experience I think it was pretty obvious to both Alex and myself that we needed to have a little talk. Did he like me? As obvious as it should have been, I had no idea! One second he was about as subtle as a blow torch, the next second he was pretending I didn't exist. I think this had a lot more to do with him trying to focus on not dating, but to me it was just confusing. And as a girl, I just needed some answers.

Thus led to our coffee "date" during which Alex asked me if I liked him. I didn't know what to say. I knew that this question was bound to come up sooner or later, but when it did, I wasn't sure how to approach it. In my past experience the next step to mutually liking someone would mean dating them. Was I ready for this? Four months after my last relationship, was that enough time? I don't know why, but I knew that this wasn't our time. I knew I needed to wait. Alex had become one of my best guy friends and that was something I wasn't ready to sacrifice just to have another failed relationship. I wanted something more.

I knew that the initial excitement could fade over time. I've experienced that more times that I would like to admit. I didn't want that. I wanted a steady relationship with someone who was going to be my future husband. I was done with dating for fun. I was done with trying to find my worth in guys. If he truly liked me and wanted to be with me, I knew that he would still be around when I was ready to date.

So, I told him that I did like him, but that I wasn't ready for a relationship.
He agreed.
And that was that...

At least for another three months.

Friday Letters

dear week, You have been crazy and awesome. Truly this has been one of the best weeks that I have had in a very long time. There hasn't been anything particularly special, just an over all sense of joy, and excitement.

dear OSU, Ahhh... thank you for accepting me!! I'm so so excited to actually begin pursuing my bachelors degree. It is definitely over due. I was very afraid I was going to have to tell all my friends and family that you rejected me. But alas, I am officially a beaver now! I know my in-laws are happy about that!

dear self, Can I just tell you how proud of you I am? Really this has been a rough journey to get to where we are now, but it has been well worth it. I am feeling more confident than I have felt... maybe ever. I know that there will be more rough times in life, but I pray that you won't forget how much strength you have.

I'm changing things up a little bit today with my friday letters. For anyone who doesn't know I've been seeing a counselor for anxiety for about a month now, you can read all about it here. My husband has been writing me daily letters for awhile now, and I wanted to share the one he wrote for me today with. It was so sweet and made me cry a lot.

Dear Tanya,

I am so, so thankful for your counseling sessions. I think its exactly what you have been needing. Last night on our walk I was so happy to hear you talk about how you feel powerful and confident. I don’t say this to be mean in any way, but I feel like I’m getting the woman I learned about in Life School. You are coming back to your old self (in a very good way), I can see the fear leaving you and your strong confidence returning. It makes me so happy to see it! I knew that it was always there, just waiting to come out. It did at times, you couldn’t always hold back who you are, but now its coming out in leaps and bounds. And I love it! You have always been my amazing wife, the entire time we have been married. I have always been thankful we are together, and been thankful that you are my wife and you are wonderful for our entire marriage. Now though, I continue to have increasing reason to be thankful. You are a strong, confident woman and you amaze me. Continue to be you in every way. I love you and will continue to love you no matter what. 

Sincerely,

Your Husband

dear alex, Thank you, thank you, thank you for never doubting in me. You are an amazing man. I know that this whole process has been hard for you to watch, but I am so thankful that you have been there for me to count on the entire way. You know that you are an amazing man when my counselor constantly tells me how great you are. I'm thankful for you every day of my life.

dear life, Thank you for continuing to be amazing, even when I doubted you.

Linking up to:

Mozzarella Tomato Basil Pizza

This was our dinner last night. Amazing!

Usually I'm not big on sharing our recipes, mostly because we aren't really measuring type people.

Most of the time I just guess. If I am following a recipe, sometimes I just look at the ingredients I need and do the rest on my own. So, by all means, feel free to alter this recipe as need be.

Alex is the pizza maker in the family, so my job last night was to take pictures and enjoy. :)

Ingredients:

8oz mozzarella cheese shredded

8-10 cheery tomatos (or 1 large tomato)

1/4 cup sliced mushrooms

10-15 fresh basil leaves

1 tbsp olive oil

handfull of fresh spinach 

Before you begin, preheat oven to 425.

We bought our dough pre-made at Trader Joe's because it was faster, but feel free to make your own! Here is a good recipe from allrecipes.com. If you are going to make your own dough, just make sure to start dinner very early. It takes quite a bit of time because the dough needs to rise for awhile.

As you can see, we (and by "we" I mean Alex) charred our tomatos, but they can just be sliced and put on the pizza if you prefer. If you are going to char them, just heat up a pan with a little bit of olive oil (or desired oil) and cook them until they begin to look a little yellow, some of them may burst, that is ok. We (Alex) waited until ours were soft enough to cut in half with the spatula, halved all of them and then used them on the pizza. We had lots of black spots on ours.

Once your tomatos are done, roll out your pizza dough, making sure it doesn't get too thin in any one spot. Once the dough is rolled out evenly, move dough to a pizza tray. Spread an even layer of olive oil over the dough. Tear basil into large chunks (or just use whole leaves) and place all over pizza. Put the rest of your toppings on as desired. Bake for 16-20 minutes or until crust is golden brown, and cheese is completely melted.

When finished, serve and enjoy.

Linking up to:

Night off

I'm takin the night off from serious thinking and have decided to spend some much needed quality time with my husband. I'll see you guys tomorrow!

Love letter he put in my lunch yesterday, and I got one today too :)

He has a Heart for Music

I'm really beginning to love Sundays. I suppose I've always loved Sundays, but lately I have been getting to spend the afternoon to myself while Alex (my husband) has been recording some clients. So I get to sit here, relax, listen to the sound of the rain and the same guitar riffs over and over again. And you know what? It doesn't get old. For one, I know he is doing something that he loves, and that brings me so much joy. Secondly, I get some me time, and these days I don't get a lot of that.

Alex has been trying to start up a recording studio for a few years now. Over the last couple of months things kind of just came together for him. He has been learning and studying this stuff on his own (at least more seriously) for the past three years. Before that he ran the sound booth at the church we were going to, and he has always had a really good ear for making everything sound good and well "mixed".

Alex and Jordan

What I really wanted to share about is his heart for the whole thing. For those that don't know my husband (or at least not as well as I do), he is such a genuine guy and truly has such good motives in whatever he does. Never trying to manipulate people or do anything out of selfishness. Of course he is human, and has his selfish desires at times, but he is quick to see his errors and correct his attitude or behavior. And, he has the same attitude towards his studio. He never wants to take advantage of anyone or force them to work with him if they have a better option, or just one that suits them better. For me, the most amazing thing has been to see the values that him and his studio partner, Jordan, have set in place for their studio. All they really want is to get albums that sound exactly like the clients want them to, and if they aren't happy with the results, they will keep tweaking things until it is perfect. This seems pretty basic, but from the little I have seen being exposed to the music scene, that isn't something everyone is offering (even though they may say it is).

To anyone who is interested to know what I am talking about I will explain a little more, but if you don't care you can just skip this paragraph:
To put it simply, everyone likes certain genres of music or styles of music. Even if you don't know it you might even like one style of recording better than another. I know that some people say they like everything, but they probably still have an ear for certain things. Some things can sound similar but still be in different genres. For example there are many different types of pop music, like country pop, indie pop, pop rock, christian pop. They are all vastly different but they have the same types of instrument sounds that make them distinct from other styles of music. Anyways, when you do recordings you have to be completely unbiased, and if you aren't it can affect the way the album or song turns out. If an engineer isn't listening to what the artist wants their song to sound like, they can just do a bunch of editing to make it sound like something they would listen to. It is sad, and I have heard of some record labels manipulating bands into recording with them because they offer them equipment, gigs, and money. Sometimes the end result can be devastating for the band, and if they don't want to do what the record label says they have to completely abandon their band name and all the songs that they have worked so hard to write and start from scratch (because they sign all their rights over to the record label.
It is hard enough to start a band, get a following, without people trying to manipulate you.

I'm not writing this to promote my husbands business, he can do that on his own, way better than I can. It is just cool watching them try to do something different, like actually having morals and values be the backbone of their business. I know there are other studios out their like this and those make me happy too. I'm not a huge part of the music scene, other than enjoying listening to it, so it has been cool to see what bands go through to pursue something they enjoy so much. Usually they still end up having to work, just like the rest of us. But, sometimes they make it big, and thats a really cool thing to witness. :)

By the way, the band they are currently recording is Foxtrot, you can check out their facebook page. My husbands studio page is Audio Lab and their band The Beardsmen has some samples of the recordings they've done together. Feel free to check them all out.

Post-Christmas, Christmas present?

Oh man, I am so behind on blogs that I've wanted to write and haven't had the time or the energy to do so.  All I can say is, thank goodness Christmas is over. I loved it, but it was by far the most stressful Christmas I have ever experienced. I am still behind on a couple presents that I need to (re)make/fix.

I'm just going to post a short little blog today about these amazing boots that I can't get off my mind...

UGG Channing boot in chestnut

I want them! I've been looking for the perfect pair of riding style boots for a long time, and I think these are them. They are on sale from $295 for $199.90... not sure I can spend that much. My husband did say he was going to take me shopping for boots for Christmas (which he did and I couldn't find any pairs that I liked, thus why I am looking at boots I can't afford online right now). Early birthday/ late Christmas present maybe?

Two years ago today...

I woke up and had my hair and make up done...

I put on my white dress...

Saw my soon to be husband for the first time...

We said our vows...

...and skipped down the aisle as husband and wife.

And here we are two years later, celebrating our anniversary from the beautiful island of Maui. Four years ago when we first met I never would have dreamed that we would be where we are today. And I am excited for the years to come. Sometimes I forget what we went through to be together now, the months of waiting and just wishing that I could hold his hand or tell him how much I liked him (not that he couldn't tell). The horrible flirting. The giggling and uncontrollable smile that I couldn't help but have every time I got to talk to him. I am so blessed to be his wife. Even when he drives me crazy, or when I nag him to death (sadly I can't deny that I nag sometimes) I couldn't be happier, and I don't regret a day of our life.

To the love of my life, thank you for always (for the most part ;) ) putting me before yourself and loving me regardless of my faults. You help me be a better person everyday!