My first vlog, and three years of marriage

Hey everyone! Here I am with the first vlog of my life. Not sure how I feel about this, but I'm posting it anyways. I feel like my face is a little weird looking, but whatever. Maybe I will have to start learning how to be more videogenic too? Also, I hate how my voice sounds completely different when I hear it recorded than it does in my head. You guys know what I'm talking about, right?

Anyways, this does not have any answers to questions about marriage. We left our camera and tripod at home on accident, which is what we were going to do the vlog with, so I decided that I will do that vlog later. I will try to post it on monday so you guys can keep sending us questions if you have anything you would like us to answer. I got some good ones already so I'm excited! They don't have to be advice about marriage or dating, you can just ask us stuff about anything you are curious about our relationship or our life in general.


Now you enjoy this video, while I start working on some homework in the most comfortable bed of my life! Then we can start celebrating our three amazing years of marriage!! Yay!

first vlog from Tanya on Vimeo.

A retraction of sorts

So a couple of weeks ago I wrote about all the things that I had learned about marriage in the last two years (see that post here). Well someone just brought to my attention that when they read this post that they thought it meant that we fight all the time and were having marriage problems. I'm sad that this is the impression that I may have given off and I just can't live with the fact that anyone else out there may have gotten this same impression. That is so not true, nor was it the purpose of the post that I had written. 

"We don't have a perfect marriage. Sometimes people comment (IRL) about how in love we are or how happy we seem or that we look like the perfect couple. But we aren't. I don't really think anyone is. I promise you that we have had some bumps in the road. And I don't mean about who is going to do the dishes. We have had some real heartbreaking struggles. But, at the end of the day, he is still my husband. I still love him no matter what. I still know that I couldn't live without him. No matter what mistakes he makes, or I make, we still make each other better people. He is still my best friend and the only person that I have ever been able to trust my whole heart with."

I suppose it could have been easy to misinterpret this line. I only meant that we aren't perfect, and I don't believe that anyone else is perfect either. I'm not going to pretend like in our nearing 3 years of marriage that we have never been through any struggles. Usually it is coming through the tough times that brings us far closer than we ever knew we could be.


Call me crazy, but I just have this nagging within me to always be honest about my humanness. I have flaws. Alex has flaws. We don't always say or do the right thing. Sometimes we don't act in loving ways. Sometimes we fight. That's part of being in a relationship. If we never fought then we wouldn't really be working through our true issues. We would just be pretending like everything was fine. I just don't want anyone to have a false impression that we have the perfect life and that I am here to tell you how perfect I am. If you've been reading my blog for any length of time at all you should know that I just want to be real and honest. I'd rather admit my areas of weakness than have you all believe that I am someone that I am not.


I want to be free to be the real me, and I want to be accepted for who I am. How can I do that if I give you a false impression of who I am?

When you get married you don't just suddenly become a perfect partner to your spouse. It is something that you have to work at and learn to grow in. And in order to grow and better serve each other, you have to desire that. You have to want to be a better spouse. Otherwise you just wont care and will never try to change.

I suppose the point that I was trying to get across is that being married has really opened my eyes to my own areas of weakness. Everyday I see how much more I can do for him, and sometimes I even recognize the unwillingness in me to take those loving actions.
If you think that is a bad thing, that's ok. Because I don't. It works for us. We are happy. And that is really all that matters.

We love each other more than I knew two people could love each other. We want to spend every minute of every day together. We still haven't gotten sick of each other. Yes, we need space from time to time, that doesn't mean we don't love each other. I never want anyone to think that we aren't madly in love. Or that we don't truly value each other and our marriage. I never knew that I could feel so strongly about one person that I feel like if anything ever happened to him that I would mentally, emotionally, and physically die without him in my life.

I just can't picture a single day of my life without him in it. I didn't even know it was possible for someone to love and adore me the way he does.

Regardless of how much we may love each other, I just don't want anyone to try to hold us up to any sort of standard.

 Just let us be us, whatever that may mean.

Marriage, lessons learned

Photography by ZenRG Photography

Back on June 15th I said it was my two year blogging anniversary!
The very first post I wrote was not about why I decided to start blogging, or what my blog was going to be about. Nope, I jumped head first into it with some of the things I had learned as a newlywed. That was 8 months into our marriage. I still didn't have much figured out, but I did learn a lot about the pressure that had been put on me as a wife. And not only as a wife, but a Christian wife! As you will soon find out from our love story [part 1, part 2, part 3] Alex and I did not have a typical relationship.
We didn't meet, start dating, fall in love, two years later get engaged, and a year after that get married, like it seems so many had expected of us.

Nope... for us it went much differently. Once we started dating, which was quite awhile after we first met, our relationship progressed very quickly. We were engaged within 6 months and married 4 and a half months after that. And for us, I think that the timing was perfect.

Honestly, the only things that I regret are 1) that I didn't stand up for myself and what I wanted our wedding to be like, and 2) that it seems that our wedding caused so much strain in the relationships around us. We had to fight tooth and nail on almost every issue that pertained to our wedding, whether it was the date, time, place, what food we served (or didn't serve), what kind of cake we got, what kind of dance we did, if we had a "cut the cake" portion.... blah blah blah. The list goes on. I say all this because when I wrote my very first post I was chalk full of pent up anger, frustration, and a bit of resentment. I was tired of everyone telling us how and when to live our lives. And then, after everything was all said and done, I felt as though everyone sort of abandoned us. I felt the waiting and watching to see if we had truly made the right decision or not. To see if our marriage was going to quickly fall apart. It was frustrating to say the least. Especially after all our friends and family seeing exactly what we had gone through to be together (which you guys will learn about soon).


Well, here I am two years later and I feel like some of that "waiting and watching" has stopped. Maybe after almost 3 years of marriage people have finally accepted that we might actually be happy? 

ZenRG Photography

Here are some of the things I have had to learn, after I realized that regardless of what everyone else says or does, this is still my marriage. We still have to work through the hard issues together, and putting up fronts and pretending like life is perfect so people will get off our back does not solve our real life problems.

1) I am so selfish. Sometimes in marriage, we have to give up the things we love for the things they love. And boy, am I bad at this one. It might help if he wasn't so willing to do whatever I wanted to do. He lets me get away with far too much stuff! I wish that I was more loving and gracious and sacrificed to do some of the things he loves more often.

2) We don't have a perfect marriage. Sometimes people comment (IRL) about how in love we are or how happy we seem or that we look like the perfect couple. But we aren't. I don't really think anyone is. I promise you that we have had some bumps in the road. And I don't mean about who is going to do the dishes. We have had some real heartbreaking struggles. But, at the end of the day, he is still my husband. I still love him no matter what. I still know that I couldn't live without him. No matter what mistakes he makes, or I make, we still make each other better people. He is still my best friend and the only person that I have ever been able to trust my whole heart with.

And to be 100% honest sometimes I lean too much on my trust in Alex, and not enough on my trust in God.

3) He becomes the punching bag of my frustrations far too often. I learned a lot about this during some counseling sessions that I just went through. When I get angry or frustrated, I take it out on him, even when it has nothing to do with him. He will do the slightest thing wrong, but because I am mad at so-and-so for saying who-knows-what he gets the bum end of the deal. After I went to counseling I've started to learn that he is really my support system, and I need to treat him as such. I need to lean on him and allow him to be my support, because he is pretty good at it.

4) Sometimes I just need to keep my mouth shut. Like when he is driving. Enough said, right?

5) Alone time is still important. It's funny now that I'm not in school anymore and I am only working 20 hours, it almost feels like we have too much time together. I never thought there was such a thing. Sometimes we just need a little bit of time apart. A time to go to a coffee shop by myself. Reminding myself that I can still be an independent person within an interdependent relationship. It isn't that I don't love to be around him, but I've really learned to value my alone time, as well as his. We both come back refreshed from having a bit of time to ourselves.


Obviously there are so many other important lessons I have learned, but I think that these are ones that I have to work on daily. Marriage has been one of the best experiences of my life. It didn't take long before I started to see so many thing in myself that I needed to work on to be a better wife, and just a more caring and loving person in general. I still have a long ways to go. I'm never going to be perfect. But hopefully I will improve somewhere along the way.

If you are married, what are some things that you have learned about marriage?

His side of the {love} story

I'm so excited to have my husband here today to tell you all our love story! But you have to be warned, this is a long story, and today's post is only the beginning. I have wanted to write it for so long but it was such a daunting story to tell. You see, as you will find out, we actually waited a year and a half before we officially started dating. As in, we started liking each other almost immediately, but we chose to wait until we were ready for a relationship to actually start ours.

It was such an exciting time in our life, and I am so happy that we chose to wait. However, it was probably one of the most challenging decisions of my life.

Also, you should appreciate this post, because I am awkwardly sitting in the hallway of my school, searching for pictures of us... I can only imagine what people walking by are thinking. (Or even the random stranger that decided to sit right next to me!)

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Hello Everyone, I finally get a chance to post something on my wife’s blog and I am very nervous. I am not typically the kind of guy to spill all my feelings and thoughts to the world. This is my first foray into the blogging world, so please, be kind! I wanted to tell everyone the story of how my wife and I got together. It’s a long one so keep your eyes open for a few posts. 

My senior year of high school was winding down and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I only knew I didn’t want to waste money going to college without a clear idea of what I wanted to study. 

The church that I had been going to my whole life had a discipleship school that had just started the year before. With a little prayer and thought, I decided that it would be a good option for me. I could learn more about myself and maybe after a year I would know what I wanted to go to school for. 

Now before I get into when I first met my future wife, there is something you need to know about me. I had a horrible history in the dating world. I was a high school boy, so of course I dated for the wrong reasons. I was sick and tired of that, and wanted something better. Before the school year started I decided to swear off dating for a whole year. I was not, in any way, going to let myself not follow through on this commitment. 

The School year began with something called Launch Week. It was a grueling week of excessive (only because I was horribly out of shape) physical activity, and learning all about our classmates. The first day we all met out in the parking lot of my church in order to board the bus. Most everyone there I knew, because they had been going to the church for a while, but there were a couple new faces. 


One in particular. 


She was a short, very cute, dark haired little beauty wearing her Western Oregon University (the school she had attended prior) sweatshirt. I was immediately intrigued. And intimidated. This girl was WAY out of my league! There was no way she would go for me....


Wait. Hold on there turbo. You’re not supposed to date anyone for a year, remember? Right. 


So I calmed down. Then through out the rest of the week I found my thoughts always drifting back to her. Waiting with baited breath when she spoke. Always noticing who she was talking to. Constantly thinking about how much cooler she was than me. 

This kind of thinking pretty much continued for the next several weeks. I had to keep reminding myself that I need to not care. I’m not going to date anyone for a year. Yes, right. I was really, really good at not caring. So good in fact that when one of my roommates started hanging out with her, and talked about dating her, I was naturally insanely jealous. Yep, didn’t care at all. 

Thankfully he became distracted (and Tanya wasn’t at all interested in him) with other things and she remained free for me to not date. I began to try and spend as much time with her as possible. To the point where, during a halloween party at my house, full of guests and friends, I did nothing but sit and talk to her and very, very lamely tried to flirt. 

It was about this time that I finally admitted to myself that I was falling for this girl. 

Over the next couple of months I became a hopeless case. I liked her. There was nothing I could do about it. Nothing I could tell myself to stop. When I heard about a christmas party some mutual friends were throwing, I jumped at the chance to go with her. I remember walking over to her house (we lived very close) and picking up her and her friend Nikki, being insanely excited. Even if it wasn’t just the two of us. She opened the door and my heart stopped beating. Her hair was formed into perfect ringlets that cascaded down to her shoulders and flowed into a beautiful electric blue dress that fitted her personality perfectly. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. 

By this time in our friendship I was starting to suspect that she might like me, but I was still a little doubtful. Beautiful, smart, older (by two years) girl. Nerdy, skinny, awkward guy. I’m sure you can see why I didn’t think I had much of a chance. 

At the party I tried, rather unsuccessfully, to not spend every moment next to her. When it came time for the white elephant game (a christmas game where everyone brings something and you take turns either opening a new present, or stealing a present that someone has already opened) I sat down right next to her. My turned rolled around and I picked an innocent looking gift. I opened it to find a small teddy bear clothed in a top hat, black vest, and a tie. I didn’t think much of it other than it was a little lame. 

Tanya’s turn happened to be right after mine, and she decided to chance a new gift as well. At the time I had no idea the most awkward moment of my life was soon to follow. To give a little context, EVERYONE knew how much I liked Tanya at that point, including I believe, Tanya herself. 

She reached into the gift bag and pulled out another small white teddy bear, clothed in nothing but a bridal veil and clutching a bouquet of flowers. It didn’t take long to realized my lame little bear was the matching groom. The room exploded with laughter and both tanya’s and I’s faces became bright, fire-engine red. Just when I thought that I could not be more embarrassed, my friend leans over and whispers, “congratulations” in my ear. Shoot. Me. Now. 

I'm sorry for the poor quality of this picture, it was the only one I could find!

In the midst of all of this embarrassment, I managed to have a little thought. Is this a prophecy??? Is she my future wife?? No. No, I can’t think like that, it was just a game. A coincidence. So what did I do from then on? I was dead sure that it was a prophecy. 

After a while I became consumed with the possibility of Tanya becoming my future wife. I was also thoroughly confused as to how this was going to happen. After not too long I had to talk to her about my feelings (not necessarily that I thought she was my future wife, I didn’t want to creep her out). 

So we decided to meet for coffee. I was so incredibly nervous its not even funny. I awkwardly asked her how she felt about me. Awkward as in, hands in my face, fingers poking into my eyes, fidgeting like crazy, awkward. (I was a real charmer, huh?)

She told me that she thought I was cool (what?) and she loved hanging out with me (holy cow), but she wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. 

She returned the question and of course I said that I felt the exact same way! (Even though I didn't. Are you kidding me?? All I wanted to do was date her!) 

After that things pretty much stayed the same, we were still friends. But now we had the added pressure of all of our classmates relentlessly teasing us about liking each other. It took a few more months before our feelings for each other came to head. 

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Thanks babe for sharing our story!!

 Don't worry, he will be back again to finish the rest for you guys! :)

See you all tomorrow!

Night off

I'm takin the night off from serious thinking and have decided to spend some much needed quality time with my husband. I'll see you guys tomorrow!

Love letter he put in my lunch yesterday, and I got one today too :)

Two years ago today...

I woke up and had my hair and make up done...

I put on my white dress...

Saw my soon to be husband for the first time...

We said our vows...

...and skipped down the aisle as husband and wife.

And here we are two years later, celebrating our anniversary from the beautiful island of Maui. Four years ago when we first met I never would have dreamed that we would be where we are today. And I am excited for the years to come. Sometimes I forget what we went through to be together now, the months of waiting and just wishing that I could hold his hand or tell him how much I liked him (not that he couldn't tell). The horrible flirting. The giggling and uncontrollable smile that I couldn't help but have every time I got to talk to him. I am so blessed to be his wife. Even when he drives me crazy, or when I nag him to death (sadly I can't deny that I nag sometimes) I couldn't be happier, and I don't regret a day of our life.

To the love of my life, thank you for always (for the most part ;) ) putting me before yourself and loving me regardless of my faults. You help me be a better person everyday!

A Beautiful Mess

Alex and my two year anniversary is coming up this November. I can't believe it has almost been two years already. I also can't believe how drastically our relationship has changed in the last two years, and we still have many many many more to come.



After some recent conversations with good friends (married and single) I have realized that there is such a miscommunication about what marriage is like. We always hear how "hard" it is. I'm not sure there is a more vague description. It is so much more than just hard, at least in my experience. Marriage is a constant struggle to find each other, yourself, and God. It is painful and yet, rewarding. It is a wonderful, fun, peaceful, fulfilling, most difficult thing that you can ever experience. Or at least I believe it can be. It definitely is not perfect every day nor is it constantly full of emotional love. It is more natural and real than that. Love is just a fact. It is always there, but not always felt. And I don't believe this is in any way a bad thing.



On top of all the pressures of being married, there is this horrible stigma of arguing. Since divorce rates are so high, it seems like many couples are just out there trying to beat the odds. And it seems as though fighting has been the blame of divorce, or at least that is how if feels for newlyweds. We are so scared to argue because we think that other people will think we made a mistake, or will not think we are right together or they will say "I knew they should have waited". But don't you think it should be normal for couples to fight? Especially in the first few years of marriage? You are two completely different people with different backgrounds who have usually made many mistakes. We all have our own pasts and our parents mistakes to overcome. We learn so many of our behaviors from our parents and we grow up in completely different houses, towns, sometimes even with different spiritual beliefs. Shouldn't it be ok and accepted to have some arguments? To do things "wrong" every now and then?



Women (at least in the Christian community) have become so consumed with not being the "overbearing controlling woman" that they have tried so hard to fight off all of their anger. As a woman I can say that sometimes I am completely irrational. Sometimes I get really angry about something that is incredibly stupid. In the very beginning of our marriage I had no idea that I could get so worked up over something so small and insignificant. Sometimes, when I got too angry, I would just lock myself up in the bedroom and not talk to Alex for hours. It wasn't because I was mad and he did something wrong and I felt like he should be punished, it was because I had no idea how to communicate to him how I was feeling, what I was thinking and why this small thing was such a huge deal to me. I usually felt like I was crazy. I was so concerned with people knowing that we fought and being a terrible wife, that I would get more insecure and irrational. Very very gradually, with much patients on Alex's part, I learned how to communicate in a healthier way. However, if we just stifle our anger and emotions, we can never get to the good stuff.



I am not trying to say that all arguing is great but I don't believe that fighting alone can ruin a marriage. I do believe that if one person is unwilling and refuses to accept their own faults and doesn't try to see the others point of view, that is how arguing can go bad. But if you aren't free to express anger and frustration in a healthy way, even if it looks a little ugly sometimes, how can you change and grow together? How can you love each other through "the good times and the bad" if you don't allow yourself to express your true emotions?



All of the married couples that I am amazed by, and who have been together for many years, argue. Not only that but they are incredibly honest about it and they don't even think it is a huge deal. These aren't the marriages where the woman says "I just had to learn to bite my tongue because I wanted to be the loving wife, and eventually I learned not to get upset with him." These are the ones that sometimes say "I literally thought I was going to kill him, but eventually we began to understand each other and the small issues became easier to work through."



Many people say that the most important thing in a marriage is communication, and I wholeheartedly believe this. It isn't about being "perfect for each other" "meant to be" or "the one". Those people get divorced too, and find new "ones". It is important for every couple to accept that sometimes things are going to be messy, and your relationship may never look like some other couple, and that is perfectly ok. If we are always trying to prove that we are happy and comparing ourselves to others, we are going to miss out on something so much deeper and more meaningful.

Moving on...

Last week my husband and I took a vacation to celebrate our one year anniversary. It was so great to get away from all the responsibilities of life and have fun with each other, without having to worry about what time we had to go to work the next day, what we were going to make for dinner, or what bill was due. We just relaxed. Well I'm not sure if you can call walking up and down the hills and streets of Seattle, coming home with our legs sore relaxing, but it was just what we needed.

Anyways, I'm not writing this to tell you about the details of our trip, but rather the sole searching that happened while we were away. Like I said in my last post I have been having panic attacks for over a year now, and being away helped me evaluate some of the important things in my life as well as the things I need to let go of. I'm sitting here trying to muster up the courage to describe what I am really going through, and to do my best not to just rant to the whole world (wide web).

Here is the truth, the honest to goodness I couldn't sugar coat it if I wanted to truth... I am hurt. I am going to repeat something that I quoted from my very amazing friend Sara in my first post, "When you get married you realize who your true friends are." I guess I just now realized how true this is (even though I wrote about it five months ago) or maybe I just realized how much that affected me. When Alex and I got married, there were many people who had their own opinions about it. There were people telling us we were making a mistake, that we didn't understand what we were doing, and then there were people who just abandoned us and decided not to talk to us anymore. I am an incredibly relational person, and to lose good friends is probably one of the hardest things for me to deal with. I have had a lot of really close friends over the years, and I have lost nearly all of them. Some have ended badly, some moved away, and others where we just grew apart. For awhile I wasn't ready to let go, I thought maybe these friendships could be salvaged. I tried very hard to defend our marriage because I thought when people realized that we hadn't made a huge mistake then they would begin to accept us as a couple and be able to move past their opposing opinions.

After many painful months I have decided that it is time to stop trying so hard to hang on to something that is no longer there. That doesn't mean I wont talk to old friends or even hang out, it just means that I think it is time to let them be what they are. I think I just began to lose site who I really am because I was trying to fit into the mold of what these "friends" wanted to me be. In this process I think I have missed out on the opportunity to make new friends and to just let myself be who I am. I just wanted to be somebody who was liked, but instead turned into something that I have never wanted to be. Paranoid, self conscious, judgmental,  anxious, dramatic. This is not me. I like to "go with the flow" as my dad always says. I am a laid back person, I don't like to argue about stupid things, and I don't like to worry about who wants to be my friend and who doesn't.

After listening to one of my good friends who is having similar problems, I took her advice (though she doesn't know that she was giving me any) and have decided that my real friends are the ones who actually want to spend time with me. This could sound incredibly mean or selfish or whatever. I don't mean that I will never ask another friend to hang out, I mean that I'm not going to ask people to hang out over and over again when I know that they may never make time for me and cannot accept my new lifestyle. That is just stupid and it is obvious that we aren't actually friends anymore, and maybe we never were to begin with. I am not going to harbor bitterness and resentment towards them, just that I am going to allow life to take us in different directions. If life happens to bring us closer again someday, great! If not, that is great too.

On a much lighter note, since I have discovered that I need to let this go I haven't had any panic attacks! I have driven on roads that I thought I would never drive on again, and worked out more than I have in almost a year and a half. There is still some fear of having another panic attack left, and I am still working through this letting go thing. However, I feel a huge weight taken off my shoulders. I am learning to be comfortable with who I am. That means that sometimes I am going to be in a big crowd of people and not say a word. Not because I am shy or because I am uncomfortable but because sometimes I just don't have anything to say. When I do, trust me, you'll know. It has been a rough year, but I think I am finally understanding that I'm not who everyone thinks I am, and maybe it is time to let my true self out. If people aren't accepting well, I know that my best friend will always love me and think I am the most amazing woman in the world. I love you babe, and I wouldn't take back one second of our life together!



Just as a side note, please don't assume that this post is about any one person in particular. It applies to many people so don't take it offensively. If you do have a problem with anything I have written please talk to me personally.

A topic near and dear to my heart... Marriage

My husband and I have been married for nearly 8 months. Thus I am a complete expert on the subject of marriage... not really. However, in my little experience this is what I have learned:

The biggest struggle that I have faced as a new wife is learning how to ignore those who are waiting to see us fail, and resist the pressure to be the perfect couple. Recently a dear friend of mine said something that I think sums up what I am trying to say very nicely, "When you get married you find out who your true friends are." I think we can agree this is true for any major change in life. You can tell when someone's happiness for you is genuine or fake. Thinking maybe I was the only one who felt this way I started listening to what people were saying about other couples getting married (I even listened to the words coming from my own mouth). I listened to other brides vent their frustrations of friends not sticking by their decision. That is when I realized that this truly is a common theme for us newlyweds (or soon to be). For some reason, as human beings, we have decided that we have a right to judge other peoples actions and motives.

The truth is, I guess I am writing this because I don't want to be the perfect couple and I am tired of feeling pressured. I have recently discovered that we newlyweds try to compare ourselves to each other... but why? There really is no newly married couple that I look up to, and I don't think any others look up to us. Not because I don't believe that any of us do or do not have a wonderful marriage, but because as newlyweds we have little to no experience (let me just say that I have many newly married friends that I love and respect and I enjoy sharing our experiences and learning from each other). The marriages that I look up to are the ones who have been married for 10, 15, 20 years, and still have a deep appreciation for each other. The ones who truly know what "for better or worse" means. These are the ones that astound me. I cannot compete with that, and I don't want to. We have so many years left to grow and understand.

For a few months I fought to keep the "spark" in our marriage, because I thought then we would become like those older married couples. Then I realized, we cannot recreate the feelings we had while we were dating, but that doesn't mean there are no "sparks". Most of the time these "sparks" don't show up as overwhelming feelings at all, but rather as things I have come to appreciate. I have learned that going out on dates isn't the highlight of my time with my husband. The things that I appreciate the most are much more simple than that, like the fact that he often makes me breakfast in the morning even though I have the day off and he doesn't. That he doesn't care if the house is messy for a week or two even though I have had plenty of time to clean it, and then that he helps me clean it even though he works all the time. That I can say anything I am thinking and he never thinks I am stupid. When we get in a fight he is always ready to apologize much sooner than I am ready to forgive (or when he isn't even the one that did anything wrong), and he always, without question, forgives me. These are the types of things that make me think, "I could not have asked for anyone better."

Before deciding to get married I thought that if its the right person then everyone in my life would be supportive. Then I got engaged... that is when I found out you can't win 'em all. I realized that ultimately the only person who knows for sure you are making the right decision is yourself. There will be many people giving you their own opinions about how you should find the right person, how long you should date before you get engaged, how long you should be engaged for, what you should do on your wedding day, how to be the perfect wife or husband, the list goes on... and on. The fact of the matter is, you will only be happy if you make decisions based on your own convictions. And isn't the point of marriage not to be the happiest you have ever been, but to make a life long commitment to someone?

I love my husband with all that I have and not a single day do I regret my decision to marry him. I am thankful every day that he is in my life, teaching me how to be less selfish and more caring. However, I never want to claim that my marriage is perfect, or even that it is better than any other. To all of my friends I have talked to about this, thank you for allowing me to be sincere and for being sincere in return. And to the couples I look up to, thank you for setting a wonderful example and, most of all, being truthful about your struggles and hardships. I truly value your wise words.