Finding Motivation

It's funny how much I feel like my dog picks up on my emotions. It's raining and cold and there are probably dozens of things I should be doing right now. Yet I feel a complete and utter lack of motivation. I haven't worked out regularly, slept well, or eaten healthy. Mostly because I lost that drive to keep my body healthy. And I'm not liking the results these actions are yielding. I've just felt there has been something missing. A sense of purpose maybe? I don't know. I could sit here and dwell on this all day, but it wouldn't accomplish anything.

I'm looking for a change. In all areas. How I eat, drink, breath, walk, work, cook, clean. I want to be healthy, happy, and thankful. Sometimes I just think that is what life is. A constant battle to better ourselves, to discover and live out our purpose, and to be happy while we do it.

Alex and I are working on a plan of attack for the both of us. We are starting with the way we spend money, which leads to the way we eat. Once we actually have a plan I'll share. Even though I know the motivation must come from us, sharing is a great way to feel accountable. If all I do is say "hey, we are going to try this out," and then we fail, I'll still feel like we have accomplished something. If we never try to change... we will never change. Kind of obvious, huh?

On a vaguely related topic, I'm afraid of what this blog will look like in a months time. I know I have never been good at keeping up with this and going to school at the same time. I'm making an effort this year to try not to be bulldozed by my classes and workload. I'm learning (ever so slowly) that it really just boils down to making the right choices, even when its not the most appealing choice.

That is how we are going to approach our change. Sometimes cleaning my house or cooking dinner may not be the most appealing option, but tomorrow I'll be thankful I did.

How do you deal with a lack of motivation?

Fall15

You guys know I'm heading off to the Influence Conference (next thursday!!) right? If you can't tell, I am extremely a little excited. 

Like I said a few months ago, I am paying for this trip with proceeds from my shop. As successful as my shop has been, I still haven't paid off my trip yet due to a lot of unforeseen business costs (bt dubs, owning a business is expensive). So in a last ditch effort I'm having a one day only sale! This Wednesday my etsy shop will officially be in vacation mode and I will finish up all orders before I leave for the conference. If you have been putting off ordering, now is your chance!

If you are going to be at the conference and were wanting to order a planner, email me (tanya@levelandlace.com) for a free shipping discount code and I'll bring your planner with me to the conference!

Thank you so much to those that have supported me along way! Maybe you just wanted a planner, but what you didn't know is that this trip wouldn't have been possible without you! Thank you!!

Getting organized

This week I finally got caught up enough with orders to make my own planner. Just in time for classes that start at the end of the month. I've been putting it off because I wanted to find the perfect cover for myself. It might be completely selfish, but since dozens of other people will have my planner and I wanted something unique. Trip after trip to the craft store I would find stuff that I liked but nothing I could settle on. Until I found this striped glitter paper. It's delicate and beautiful, and definitely different from all my other covers. I'm not going to be selling this particular cover, but I might do some of the other glitter covers. I'll let you know if that happens.

And for anyone who as emailed me, I'm so sorry if I haven't gotten back to you yet! I'm hoping to clear out my inbox by the end of the weekend.

Enjoy your weekend!

I love love

Sweater & Jewelry: F21 // Skinnies: H&M // Wedges: Target // Glasses: My eye doctor (because I really do wear prescription lenses unlike all the other posers.)

I took these pictures in hopes that maybe some day soon I can actually comfortably wear a sweater. Have you read my about page? "Every day that I can wear a sweater is a good day in my book." I actually meant that. We are getting some strange weather here right now and sweaters have not been in my daily wear. It has been deceivingly hot out for the past while. Deceiving because I wake up to wondrous clouds that trick me into thinking I can wear a jacket out on my walks and lay around in sweaters all day, when in reality it is 99 degrees and as humid as ever. Ok it is no wear near 99, but it is hot and that is my point.

Anyways, I'm not sure how this post ended up being about the weather. Let's talk about jeans shall we? Does anyone else have a nearly impossible time finding good skinny jeans? They are either too stretchy,  I buy them a size too small they shrink in the dryer, they aren't the right color, etc... Insert these jeans. I'm not all about the light wash, but I love the color on these ones. Other than being about a million inches too long, they are great. I love the way they fit. I wore them to a buffet this weekend and I didn't leave feeling like I needed to change the instant I got home. I could probably lay around the house all day in them and be comfy. As a bonus they were actually less than 20 bucks! H&M was having a by one get one half off sale, so I also got them in black for 10 bucks.

Now if only fall would come...

#influenceconf

So I briefly mentioned awhile ago that I was going to the influence conference at the end of September. Well, here I am only 2 weeks away! Can you believe summer is almost over? For those going to the conference, can you believe it is almost here?!?

I think this is one of those "pinch me" moments. Am I really going to a blogging conference? I can't wait to be around hundreds of women who will completely understand why I would want to go to a blogging conference. People in my personal life are like, "What? A conference for blogging? They have those?"

Well I'm a day late for this influence conference meet and greet linkup, but that's just my style. Fashionably late.

So two four things I absolutely must have with me on this trip...

{one} my phone. How else would I blow up instagram with all of my #influenceconf pictures?

{two} my laptop. enough said, right?

{three} My starbucks card. Because who wouldn't buy a ton of coffee that doubles as a tax write off?

{four} My camera. aka: my fourth baby. 2 cats, a dog, and my nikon.

And two things I'm looking forward to:

{one} this has nothing to do with the conference, but I can't wait to meet my long time blog friend Greta from Modern Garden!! She isn't actually going to the conference but lives somewhat close by and is going to drive up so we can meet! You know those people you just instantly connect with? That is Greta. We have only communicated through email/blog comments but I feel like I could talk with this girl for hours. (Don't worry mom, she is a real person!)

{two} I'm just excited to be out of my element. I am a very introverted person and being in a large crowd of people is going to be pretty intimidating, especially since I haven't actually met any of these people. I like pushing myself and I know that God has me there for a reason.

I can't wait to meet all of you beautiful ladies! Be sure to let me know if you will be there!

Put a bird on it

Top: Target // Maxi: H&M // Shoes (most amazingly comfortable flats ever): Urban Outfitters // Jewelry: F21

Recently I went through the registration process on Stitch Fix and one of the questions (and by one I really mean like 20) was about what styles I like. (This outfit, by the way, has nothing to do with stitch fix.) I went back and forth several times before I could settle on an actual style(s) and which ones I tend to wear the most. I don't really feel like I have one particular style, I pretty much like all of them. As long as it doesn't involve 5 inch heels, I'm game. I'll follow trends. I like simple and classic. Some days I like to look rocker/punk-ish (big ish there). Other days I like to look sophisticated and polished. And according to this bandana, I also like to try to be gangsta/ housemaid/ Rosie The Riveter.

My husband says I'm eclectic. I like to mix and match, and by match I of course mean making sure things don't.

Eclectic... Sure, I'll accept that.

The Question

outfit details

There is a question that as a married woman I get asked all the time. Nearly once a week.

"When are you having kids?"

I totally understand the question. It is only the natural next step, especially after being married for (almost) four years.

Lots of my friends have kids, or are trying for kids, or want kids but are waiting for the "right time". I think being a mom is a wonderful gift. It seems to make life deeper and more meaningful. You get to share a love for someone that you never knew you could have. At least this is what I have gathered from those that have children.

But I feel like there is something that I have to get off my chest about all this.

I don't want kids.

There I said it. I may be completely kicked out of any blogging friend circle I ever thought I would be a part of. When I tell people this they usually just stare at me for a little while, ask me why, and then tell me that I will be a great mom and I'll change my mind some day. Or they ask,"Well who is going to take care of you when you get older?" Or tell me I am going to be really lonely. There is a whole list of responses I get with the underlying theme that I am a selfish person and will grow up to be old and bitter. The only thing I have to say to all that is that I know a lot of amazing, loving, selfless people who chose not to have children. I know you think it is impossible, but it happens.

If you are just sitting and waiting for me to tell you my reasons, you are probably going to keep waiting because I don't really have any. Many women tell me that being a mother was their calling. They knew from a very young age that they were going to be a mother.

I didn't. 

My mother can tell you that from a very young age I have said that I wasn't going to have children. At best I said I would have World Vision children.

There have definitely been times in my life that I thought I would grow out of this. There is still the chance that I will change my mind. Of course there is always the chance that I will get pregnant regardless of my desires or efforts not to. I'm ok with that. If God wants me to have children I'm sure I will, and I will love them with all my heart and be eternally thankful for them. I'll tell them that it was never my plan to have children, but that I am so happy I did because they make my life richer every day.

I don't think less of women who choose to be mothers. I have the utmost respect for mothers. I still like to hang out with them. I don't feel like they are less of a person or that I could never possibly have anything in common with them. I don't resent them for bringing their kids along for lunch dates or shopping trips. Or when they have to ignore our conversation to pay attention to their child. I totally get it. I know that having lunch with me will take the backseat to making sure their child is feed and had their afternoon nap, or just having a good day in general.

I have been surrounded by children my entire life. I have over a dozen nieces and nephews, the first which was born when I was five and some which lived with my family at different times. I may not entirely know what being a mother is like, but I know what it is like to hang out with one and I enjoy it all the same.

I suppose the only thing I ask from the world is just not to judge me. I still strive to be a giving and loving person. I try not to judge the moms with the screaming kids in the grocery stores, because I have no idea what it is like to be in their shoes.

We don't all have the same calling. Yours may be to be a mother. Maybe mine isn't?