Friday, April 27, 2012

First Friday Letters

I love this link up idea from Adventures of Newlyweds. Writing letters to inanimate objects {as well as people} is kind of one of my favorite things to do.

So here we go!

dear friday, Thank you for coming so quickly! I'm not sure I could handle another day of work, because 3 days is just way too much work for me.

dear blog friends, Really? No comments on my ridiculous post yesterday? Not even to tell me that I am crazy, or weird or that you don't want to be my "friends" anymore? I was pretty embarrassed to write it and, well, I would have continued to feel like a blogging failure had it not been for my RLF {real life friends} who forgave me simply because it was a dream.

Which brings me to:
dear rlf {real life friends}, Thank you for not thinking I am crazy, and finding the humor in my absolutely ridiculous dreams!! Because of you I may continue to post some more of those puppies. There are plenty more where that one came from. Although I think that may have been the most outlandish. These things really happen to me people! I would not make this up! I don't enjoy being a freak, it just happens.

dear husband, Thanks for not judging me for being obsessed with my blog yesterday. Sometimes I just have those days {or weeks}. I promise not to be obsessive this weekend and spend lots of time with you! Well, at least while I am taking breaks from my homework.

dear homework, You forgot to inform me of how unbelievably time consuming you were going to be. I'm gonna have to ask you to cut yourself back a bit, you are really getting in the way of my blogging life. And my personal life. And my precious weekends. And... well, just life in general.

dear english teacher, Why do you hate me? I can not spend 50 hours a week on your homework. I need to pass my other classes and have to have a life too. I'm sure you remember what that was like. Plus, if you didn't give us so much homework you wouldn't have to grade so much homework! This seems like a fair trade to me.

dear someone who shall remane nameless, I'm pretty sure you were sent to this earth to torture me and my husband and everyone around us. If you could just tone down the crazy a few notches that would really make my life a lot less miserable.

dear erin {from liy}, How are you so awesome? Ever since I found your blog I can't wait for you to write a new post. You are probably the funniest blogger/person that I have ever read/met. Teach me how to be cool like you.

The End.


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Weekend (through tuesday) in review

My weekend basically consisted of a lot of reading and homework. We did lay out in the sun for some time on Sunday while I worked. It was beautiful out!
I got some good running in.
It was great.

Then early monday morning at about 4 am I woke up with some not so pleasant pain.
I took like a million tums because I thought it might be heart burn...
{Not sure heart burn ever feels like you are going to die}
Before I left for work the pain went away and I thought it might just be hunger pains.
Then the pain came back.
During work.
I stayed for my whole shift, because I was off at 1:30.
Came home.
My mom freaked out on me and told me to call the doctor.
I called the doctor.
They couldn't get me in until tomorrow at 2.
The pain went away, I figured I was fine.
{It is hard to remember how bad the pain is during the non-painful times}
After dinner the pain came back,
but I had lots of homework due yesterday so I just kept truckin through the pain.
All while my husband was trying to convince me to go to the hospital.
I'm stubborn.
I said I was fine.
{I hate the doctor, and the hospital}
I finished all of my homework.
Went to bed...
in pain.
Woke up, thought I was fine.
Took a shower.
Pain came back with vengeance.
Call the doctor.
Called in sick to work
Went to the doctor.
Doctor did some tests...

There are no results yet. I still have to go in for an ultrasound on Thursday morning. There is a possibility it could be gallstones, we are checking into it. For now I am just truckin through my episodes of pain, and God willing it wont get so bad that I need to go to the ER. If it is gallstones they said that eating fatty foods will cause the pain. 

Basically I can't eat anything  with fat  until after my ultrasound.

I'll keep you guys posted. I'm praying that I don't have gallstones, because most of the time they want to take out your gallbladder if this happens. I'm getting some heat from different people about whether or not I should actually allow them to take out my gallbladder {if it is gallstones, mind you}. All I know is that if this pain gets worse than it already has gotten, I'm not sure I would resist any form of relief.

Anyways, have a great week guys! Hopefully I'll be back to write more later!

Friday, April 20, 2012

I am a runner

Picture from when we ran our 5k last summer! Alex really needed a hair cut!

I just got home from a run, and of course I feel amazing! Seriously, for anyone who has not gotten into running, there is no feeling comparable to the way you feel after a great run. It was a long winter off, but I'm back up on my "horse" and feeling great. No wonder I've been so depressed! I feel like I could take on the world right now!

Ok... I'll calm down. {Something I say to my husband when I get too hyper. Trust me, it happens!}

I was so scared that after five months off {at least from consistant running} that it would take me awhile to jump back in, but after today I know that I truly am a runner. It was probably one of the easiest runs I have ever done. I felt great the entire time. I'm not back up to my 4-5 milers yet, but I know I'll be back there before too long.

Back in my 2012 goals post I mentioned how I want to run a 10k or even a half marathon this summer, and after today I know that those goals are completely attainable with some hard work. In the past when I have really focused on my running, other parts of my life have been put on the back burner, but this time around my main focus is going to be balance. With homework, blogging, running, and working it can be really easy to sacrifice in one area to gain time in another {usually blogging has been sacrificed for running}. But I know that all of these things are important to me.... well the working thing is just more a requirement to keep the bills paid, which is important.

I'm gonna do it! I'm going to start off with a 5k just to keep me motivated and on track. But I know I have it in me, I was made for this.

I wanted to post about some advice for beginners, people trying to get back into it after a long break, or those that have been thinking of starting running, but I just don't have time today {balance, remember?}. So I'll save that for my next post. For now I'll leave you with these inspiring words via my pinterest board.


Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I was tagged!

I'm so honored that I was tagged along with some other amazing ladies over at Covered In Grace!! I almost missed this tag because when Brooke emailed me it ended up in a spam folder that actually doesn't get sent to the mail program that I have. So hopefully there aren't any other emails out there that I have never received! If anyone has written to me and I never wrote back, most likely I never got the email.

Covered in Grace
I love her blog! She is very sweet and always has such a positive attitude about life. And, she lives in Hawaii!! I'm so jealous! After coming home from our trip there last November, every time I think about being there it honestly makes me want to cry. It is such a beautiful place with the best culture (laid back and relaxing). 

Alright so here are the rules for this little tagging game.

The Rules

1. You must post the rules!
2. Answer the 11 questions the tagger posted for you and then create 11 new questions to ask the people you've tagged.
3. Tag 11 bloggers and link them to your post.
4. Let them know you've tagged them.

1. How did you come up with the title of your blog?
This is actually my second blog name. The first one was "Life: The Pursuit of Something More than Ordinary" which I did like, but it was super long. So one day I just decided that I was going to change it. I asked my husband for ideas and, of course, he was no help. Not sure why I thought he would be, since this is a place for me to be me, not a place for him to be me. I did bounce ideas off of him though, to see if any of them sounded lame or cheesy {which some of them did}. Then I just started thinking about what I wanted this blog to be for me, a place where I can let my hair down and be myself. I don't have to fit into any mold of what people have perceived me to be here, I can just relax. I thought about what kind of environment I could be in that sounded relaxing and inviting, and for me that was reading a book and sipping a glass of wine, curled up on the couch in front of the fire.

2. If there was one blog post that you'd direct your readers to, what would that be?
It would definitely be my About Me page. I am a much different person than some people {who have met me in person} think I am and this post was all about me just trying to let people see my true colors. When I am at home, I am a total spaz! I really am, but if you met me you would never believe that about me. My husband says he is going to video tape me some day and show people how I really am, but he knows that if he tried I would just sit in front of the camera saying, "...umm... what do you want me to say? What do you want me to do? I feel awkward..." I am just not a performer for a crowd (or a video camera). But, that doesn't mean that I'm not a little crazy and out of control sometimes, so I thought I would bring a little bit of my spaziness {is that a real word? my spell checker doesn't like it} to my blog.

3. What is your go-to quick fix meal when you've spent too much time on Pinterest/Your Blog been very, very busy?
Usually it is chicken noodle soup, it is usually the one thing that I always have ingredients for and is super quick to throw together. Also some times I mix it up with some chicken tortilla soup. Ok... maybe it is any kind of soup. Just throw some ingredients in a pot with some broth and it's good to go.

4. What is something you're looking forward to this coming summer?
SUN! Here in the Willamette Valley Oregon, we don't get much sun, I am such a different person when sun is involved! We have lots of trips planned this summer and I'm super excited about that! We are big home bodies, and lately I have been feeling like I need some adventures! AND, we may be going on a CRUISE!!! It won't be until October, but I am super excited!

5. Do you have any goofy talents or specialties?
I am such a good beat boxer..... Ok ok, not really. I so wish though!! One of my friends {little shout out to Katie Sutton} and I used to spend hours watching beat boxing videos on YouTube and we would try to learn how to beat box. It was pretty much amazing. Now my husband just tries to beat box, but he isn't nearly as good as me... {such a lie he is like a million times better, he is a musician so he actually has rhythm}. 

6. If you could be a character from any book through out the entire story, what book-what character?
Brooke! This is such a hard question! Honestly I can't even think of any books other than the book I am reading for school and the Hunger Games. Of course I would love to be Katniss because she is totally BA {Bad A**}, but I'm not sure I would want to go through all the stuff she goes through. So I think I am going to take a different spin on this question, because lately while Alex and I have been watching DWTS {see question 9} every time I see Katherine Jenkins {paired with Mark Ballas} I literally say "I WISH I WAS HER!" All caps because I get pretty hyped up when I watch this show. She is so sweet and very classy {not always the case on that show} and she is just gorgeous. Best of all she is from England {I think?} and has a super cute accent! And she is an amazing dancer and is on DWTS which is one of my not so likely life goals {again, see question 9}.

7. What is the best piece of blogging advice that you've ever received?
The more you write the better you get. So true. It used to take me over a week to write one post. I couldn't just sit down and whip it out, I had to think it over for a long time. Then after lots of thinking I would write what I could get out, then come back to it after a few days and polish it off, then I would have to spend another day editing it. Now I just write a post and post it right away. And the editing usually happens after I post, haha. I am usually too excited to wait to re-read it until after it is posted.

8. What is one thing that you would advise new bloggers to do?
Find your niche and write what you know. Every blogger out there has their "thing", and when you try to copy someone else's "thing" it usually doesn't turn out very well. Just be yourself and don't try too hard to "fit in" we are all different here, and that is something that I love about the blogging community that I have found. That's what keeps all the blogs I read unique and intriguing, we have things in common, but we also have a lot of differences that I enjoy. I'm big on individuality, it's just part of my personality.

9. What is one of your guilty pleasures?
Dancing With The Stars!! I love love love that show, I even have it booked marked on my browser tool bar. My dream would be to be on the show some day, but since I'm not a professional dancer, and I'm not famous I have a feeling that probably won't happen. But going to a live showing would be pretty awesome too! {Alex, next birthday present maybe?? ;) ;) }.

10. What is your favorite Saturday morning like?
Get up at a decent hour {NEVER happens!}, go for a run, shower, sit on the couch in my clean house and just hang out and cuddle with my husband. Read a book, drink some tea. Ahhh... I want that right now!

11. Why do you blog?
I blog because I love to write and share my thoughts, ideas, and life with other people. But the thing that has kept me blogging is the blogging community. So accepting and encouraging. I really love the friendships that have been made and it just keeps me coming back every time.

Alright here are the bloggers I am tagging. I understand that life gets busy and stuff, so if you don't get to write an answer post I will live, but I do want other people to know that your blogs exist! So for others out there, here are some blogs I think you should check out!

Greta @ Modern Garden
Manda @ Eat Cake
Kayla @ Kayla Danelle
Bonnie @Life of Bon
Tatum @ Tatum's Take
Kaleigh @ Kaleigh Hamilton

The Questions:
1. What do you like to do for fun?
2. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you want to live?
3. What made you decide to start a blog?
{I liked this one from Brooke...}
4. If you could give new bloggers advice, what would it be?
5. Who is the most influential person in your life?
6. What is one talent that you have always wanted to learn, but haven't yet?
7. What is the best life lesson you have ever learned?
8. What would your dream life look like after retirement?
9. What message{s} do you hope others "hear" when they read your blog?
10. What are your favorite blog topics to read about? {ex: crafting, style, life, humorous, etc...}
11. What is one thing that you could never live without?

Sunday, April 15, 2012

A step in the right direction

Here I am, sitting, staring, trying to muster up some courage and some words to say.  I know that I should be working on homework, but I just can't focus.

Tomorrow I have my first counseling session. First of many I'm sure.

It's been a battle to even get myself to this place, to admit that I can't take care of myself all on my own. To admit that I may need a little guidance and help to get to a healthy place again. It is so hard to admit.

Because I feel weak.

For anyone who hasn't read already, I've been struggling with panic attacks. As of late, the panic attacks have subsided for the most part, but in their wake they have left an emptiness and depression, worse than I have ever experienced before.

I've known for a very very long time that this was a step I needed to take, but I just couldn't get myself there. I wanted to be able to figure it out myself. It's been nearly three years and the only thing I have figured out is that I don't know who I am anymore.

The moment after making my appointment and hanging up the phone, I burst into tears. I knew that I had thrown in the towel. I had surrendered my fight. I cried because I knew that this was hopefully the beginning of the end for this chapter. They were tears both of joy, and of sorrow. Joy because I know that I'm taking a very important step, and sorrow because it has taken me this long. I've wasted a few years of my life being scared, of everything, even myself. I'm ready for this struggle to be over.

This is very hard for me to write. Hard for me to admit to myself even. In every way I've strived for this blog to be a place where I can come and speak my mind in a positive healthy way. I don't want this to be depressing. I'm not looking for pity. But, at the same time, I can't pretend this isn't happening to me. I can't pretend my life is perfect, and that I have it all together. I don't. The only reaction that I ask for is one without judgement, for me or anyone else in a position like this. One of the hardest things is for me not to judge myself. To remember that I'm still a whole person, that I'm no less than anybody else.

I know that going to counseling is normal. But, I know that my feelings aren't. And if they are "normal" then I know that they aren't healthy.

If there is anyone out there trying to decide if you should go see a counselor, I must encourage you to do it. Even if you don't think things are that bad, it isn't going to hurt. Don't allow yourself to wait until you just can't handle life anymore. I know that for whatever reason it is hard to seek someone else's help, but in the long run I know that it will be worth it. Personally I'd rather admit defeat now, and know that I still have a chance to live a full, happy, healthy life again on the other side.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Doing "homework"

I've been lacking a little bit of inspiration for my blogs as of late. Every time I think, "I should write a new post," it is followed by, "actually... I should probably work on some homework."

And for those of you that don't know, I'm back in school fulltime again after nearly three years off.

Why didn't anyone remind me how much work this is?!? I have like 4 assignments due every Monday, and others due throughout the week, and this is only the second week of the term.

On the plus side though! All this homework has giving me the inspiration for my newest project... which is turning out pretty awesome.

Here is how the inspiration came to me...
"I need a planner."
Drives to Office depot
Pick up, flip through, pa ruse through millions of planners
"This one is PERFECT!"
 See price tag
 "W.T.F." (FYI-I don't like to cuss too much but I am addicted to acronyms.) 
"$18.99!! For a few pieces of paper?? I'll just make my own."

Other people may not think that is expensive (Although, I'm not sure how??), but honestly, this was the skinniest little planner that I have ever seen! And I really liked it because it had full calendar pages that were big enough for me to write in. However, I am way too cheap to pay 20 bucks for some paper. So instead we spent 20 bucks buying a new ink cartridge (which we needed for many other printing jobs) and I have set out to make my own planner!

I'm so excited to have a planner that is perfect for me! Not just one of those lame ones that have all this extra junk that I don't need. I'm planning (pun intended) to make some free printables out of this guy incase anyone is interested. I should be done with it by the end of the weekend!

BTW, (See, I told you I'm addicted) I'm supposed to be working on homework right now.

Shhh! Don't tell Alex! ;)